Back to You, a Sequel
by Miss x Massacre
Summary: Sequel to 'Gone' Jude's in London, Tommy's in Toronto. They're doing their best to repair themselves after the whirlwind 4 months, but when Jude finds out news - how is she gonna juggle her life, Vogue, G-Major, and a new artist? Come read along as your favorite characters pick up their pieces and put them back together again. [Rated T with questionable chapters!]
1. Chapter 1: Without You

**Title:** Back to You  
 **By:** Miss x Massacre  
 **Universe:** Instant Star  
 **Author's Note:** This was actually started before I even finished Gone, because I could hear and feel Tommy in my head wanting me to get started. The narration will be completely in third person, though I was thinking of putting in little chapters of Jude's column. I'm not too, too sure yet, so just enjoy what I'm giving you! This is a pretty short chapter, it's just an introduction to the story. This is a sequel, so if you haven't already – go read "Gone". The next chapter is pretty long and will be posted soon. If you are reading this: review, _pretty please._  
 **Disclaimer:** I do not own any characters (with the exception of Nicole Gregory) or the songs featured in this chapter:  
Without You by the Dixie Chicks  
The Boxer, Cover version, by Mumford and Sons

* * *

 _Back to You_  
Chapter One: Without You

Through the darkness the sound of guitar picking broke through the soft whispers and mumbles, immediately silencing the crowd. The lights stayed dim casting a silhouette of his body frame as he continued playing, his eyes closed against the melody. He put his lips to the microphone and a round of applause started.

" _I am just a poor boy, though my story seldom told._ " Tommy opened his eyes and gave a small smile. " _I squandered my resistance for a pocket full of mumbles, such are promises._ " It'd been two months since Jude had left, though it felt like it'd been a year already. She called frequently, not to him though, so he only heard third hand accounts of her life in London from Sadie or Spied and the column he stalked religiously.

" _All lies and jest, still the man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest._ " In the weeks that had passed, he became sober, dumped Alice and started on his solo album. He had given Darius a copy of the CD he made for Jude and the first song wasn't even half done when D gave him the green light. It was a mix of acoustic and folk-y songs, mostly original though there were a few covers he couldn't pass up a chance to remake. " _When I left my home and my family, I was no more than a boy in the company of strangers in the quiet of the railway station, running scared._ "

This was one of the songs he wouldn't pass up. Though Simon & Garfunkel sung of a boxer, he felt strangely connected this song. He was, after all, just a boy when he left home to join Boyz Attack. " _Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters, where the ragged people go…looking for the places only they would know._ "

The lights brightened the stage and the members of Spiederman Mind Explosion were standing behind him, playing backup instrumentals. The crowd became louder with their cheering, clapping hands and whistling, as they sang the very familiar hook. " _Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie._ " The crowd joined in and Tommy smiled, wishing Jude could be here to see him. " _Lie la lie, lie la lie la lie la lie, la la lie la lie._ "

" _Asking only workman's wages, I come looking for a job, but I get no offers – just a come-on from the whores on 7_ _th_ _Avenue._ " As he began tapping his foot in time with the bass, the crowd began clapping in time as well. " _I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome I took some comfort there…_ "

Later, after his set, he stood out back of the venue with a cigarette burning between his fingers as he scrolled through the latest blog entry from Jude. She was describing the songwriting practice she had and between the lines, he could sense that she wasn't getting along well with her newest producer. Through the grapevines, or telephone lines, he heard that she was on her third producer so far and each one of them kept getting fired for some unknown reason. If it wasn't for the fact that the two singles she'd already put out were sitting at number one and two respectively on the iTunes _and_ billboard charts, he was pretty sure Darius would have nipped her shit in the bud, but being the star she was now – especially with everyone still riding high off the revelation that Jude Harrison, Canada's biggest Rockstar, had a completely secret life for over a year within a stone's throw of Toronto with none the wiser – he was lax on her.

He kept hoping he'd hear from her, that she'd want to talk after listening to the songs he'd so clearly written for her, but weeks had passed and not even a text message came. He gave her space, though, and focused on the promise he made to himself, and Jude though he did not tell her – getting himself better.

* * *

"Oh Jesus –" Jude quickly ran to the bathroom and bent over the toilet, heaving her stomachs contests into the porcelain bowl. She dropped from her squatting position to her knees and held onto the sides of the toilet. Nicole followed in as she did and grabbed her hair to pull it behind her head. With one hand she held her hair as the other snatched a hair tie from the sink and messily tied her hair behind her head.

"Are you alright, J?" Nicole asked as she rubbed her back and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Yeah…" Jude answered as she grabbed one of the decorative towels and wiped her mouth. "I think the Chinese food from earlier was bad."

Nicole gave her a look as they both stood so Jude could rinse her mouth. "We ate the same thing. And I am perfect."

"Nic…" Jude started, knowing where she was taking the conversation.

"Jude…" Nicole replied, crossing her arms over her chest. "Just hear me out."

"No, I've heard you out." She bent over the sink and sipped some water into her mouth, swishing quickly before spitting it back out. "There is no way in hell I'm pregnant. I was on the pill."

"Yeah, _was_." Nicole said, pursing her lips. "And – "

"And I'm currently PMSing." She lied, hoping to get her off her back. Honestly, she was pretty scared she was _up the duff_ , but she kept putting it off as stress from the move, from the album recording process, from having to fire two producers within a five-week time frame. "I ate a whole bowl of chocolate ice cream – "

"– with a _jar of Spanish olives on top_." Jude tried to talk again but Nicole quickly shushed her. "Look, I'm not going to back down. I've seen my two sisters knocked up already. I know the quirks, I know the symptoms." She crossed her arms and gave her a look. "Besides your tits have grown two cup sizes since we've moved, and I can't fathom how you would find the time to get a boob job between G-Major and Vogue breathing down your neck."

Jude chuckled and bit her lip. "Okay," She said, finally, and threw her hands up. "This has been extremely terrifying for me. I thought it was just the stress from the move. I spotted shortly after we moved, so I thought everything was okay, but recently –" She stopped short and shrugged, knowing Nicole could finish her sentence.

"Come. Let's go to Blenheim and get this figured out." Nicole said, grabbing her own hair up and tying it into a messy bun.

* * *

"…I woke up on the edge of the harbor, broke and beat up. I'd lost my wife, my children, my job…everything. I thought I had nothing left to lose, so I was going to jump. I was going to jump into the Toronto harbor and let everything go." Tom sat, elbows on his knees and head in his hands, and listened as one of the guest speakers spoke about his rock bottom. The moment he decided that it was worth it to seek help. "It just so happened that same God forsaken day, Adam was there and saved my life." Tears welled up in the hazel eyes of the scruffy male behind the podium, evident in his voice.

"He took me to his home, cleaned me up, fed me, and we spoke of Jesus. I knew then I was at a fork. I could leave this man's home, stick to the path I'd known for the past 3 years. I could continue to fuck things up for myself and never get to know the beauty that are my two daughters… _or_ I could do this thing called rehab and make things better for myself." The gentleman dabbed at his eyes with a balled-up napkin and cleared his throat. "So, I took the tougher route, the one less travelled by those with addiction. I've been sober for 45 days now and tomorrow, I get to see my daughters for the first time in six months. I'm pretty excited."

Tom looked up to see the man smiling, holding his NA chip in the air and the group began to clap for him. He'd been coming to meetings for three weeks now and he'd always been too scared to speak up. Just listening, though, was a huge inspiration for him. Some of the people that had told their stories had been addicts their whole life…since they were children. If they could turn their life around and stay on the path, so could he.

Later, after the speakers had finished and everyone was mulling around over a cup of coffee, Tom waited by the front door for Kwest to pick him up.

"So, Tom Quincy in NA? Thought I'd never see the day."

He turned to see Blu, former Instant Star contender, standing with a cup of coffee and her signature blue hair, though shaggier than the last time he seen her. "Blu." He said, smiling and nodding toward her. "Good to see you."

"You, too, Tommy." She said, smiling slyly and giving him a look. "I heard you're working on an album?"

"Uh, yeah…I am." He tapped the heel of his shoe against the toe of the other. "How have you been?"

Blu shrugged, sipping her coffee and walking closer to him. "Oh, you know…" She said as she came close enough to lean against the wall next to him and place her hand on his arm, giving a little squeeze. "I've been working at Centerpoint Mall and attending general study classes at Toronto U."

"Sorry things never worked out during Instant Star." He said, though not genuinely sorry. He just felt the need to say it.

"It's okay," She said watching her finger as she drew swirls on the sleeve of his leather jacket. "I was at the beginning of my rock bottom at that point. I was self-sabotaging every chance I got."

"Oh." He said, his lips forming a perfect 'O'.

"Anyway, I was thinking we could meet up some time and…I don't know, catch up? Talk about things?" She said lifting her eyes to give him a doe-eyed look. "You know I always hear it's good to have a support system in place when you finally become sober."

"I – I – I'm not sure." He said, glancing between her and out the door, where Kwest should have been pulling up. "I've been pretty busy with recording…and stuff."

"Right…" She trailed off, following his line of sight. _God, he is so yummy,_ she thought.

"Well! I better get going." He said the minute he seen Kwest pull up, causing her to jump. "See you next time, Blu. Take care!"

He was already halfway to the car as he shouted to her, trying to cover his head as rain fell steadily outside.

"Same!" She yelled then quieted down. "to you…"

It was only a matter of time before she had him in her grasp. Not many could escape the intoxication of Blu.

* * *

" _Holy fucking hell._ " Nicole said as she looked over Jude's shoulder at the EPT test in her hands.

"That little pink plus sign is _so_ unholy." Jude looked at their reflection before bending over and throwing up in the sink.

"I can't believe this is happening!" Nicole hopped in place, clearly more excited than Jude was. "I am going to be a Godmother!"

"Nic…" Jude groaned, placing the test on the sink counter and cupping her hands underneath the running faucet. "Please."

"Oh, come on, Jude. You're not the least bit excited?"

Jude straightened herself up and tugged at the hem of her shirt. "No!" She cried, her eyebrows knit as she stared at Nicole's reflection. "Are you kidding me? I – I – I just got to London! I'm recording my first album in close to three years, which will mean a tour! I have an online column that I am responsible for and I'm not prepared for a baby. I'm selfish, I like to drink…not to mention the last time I wound up pregnant – I _miscarried_!"

Nicole stopped hopping and placed a hand on Jude's back solemnly. "J, I'm sorry…I just…I'm so used to babies meaning magic…a reason to be happy." She said, and Jude turned to face her. They both looked down at her stomach. "You have life growing inside of you, so let's think of this realistically. In nine months, your album should be on it's way to being completed, Baby Harrison will be able to go tour – that's not completely unheard of." She brushed Jude's hair out of her face and took both her cheeks in her hand. "And aunt Nicole will help in anyway that she might possibly can."

Jude's eyes welled up and she threw her arms around her. "I love you, Nicole." She said, blubbering through her tears.

"I love you, too, Jude." She replied and held Jude back to look at her. "So…can we call Sadie?"

"Actually, I think I'm gonna send for her." She dabbed at her eyes with the hem of her shirt. "Sadie's always wanted to come to London and now's a good a time as ever to get her over here. It wouldn't feel right to tell her over the phone."

"You're right, let me go grab my laptop and we can check flights for her."

Jude nodded as Nicole walked off to her bedroom to fetch her laptop. She moved to look at her reflection in the mirror, turning sideways. Her stomach was still flat, no signs of life, but Jude could feel a difference. A sort of fluttering, full feeling. She hated that whole 'self-honesty' thing she was practicing because avoiding the truth had always been a habit for her, which had been working on – that was until just recently. She knew, though, in the back of her mind that it wasn't just the move or stress of the album. She'd been moodier recently, unexplainably so, and was constantly hungry for the oddest things.

It was the same as when she was pregnant before.

Avoidance was her worst attribute.

Nicole walked past the bathroom and gestured for Jude to follow her. They sat facing one another on the couch, with their legs tucked underneath them, and just as Nicole opened her laptop to begin looking up flights, Jude's phone rang.

"Speak of the devil…" Jude said before answering. "Hello? Hey Sades…not much, just relaxing at the apartment with Nicole. Yeah, uh huh."

Nicole smiled at Jude and began typing into the search bar.

"So, Sadie. I have a question." She said, biting at her lip. "How'd you like visit London?"

* * *

~ Please review! ~


	2. Chapter 2: Transatlanticism

**Title:** Back to You  
 **Author:** Miss x Massacre  
 **Universe/Pairing:** Instant Star/Jommy  
 **Rating:** T  
 **Author's Note:** Thank you to the guest who reviewed this story. I appreciate you sticking with me all these years! The last part of this chapter felt a little forced, but I hope it doesn't come off that way. Enjoy this chapter, guys! Things will begin picking up soon!  
 **Disclaimer:** Any recognizable characters do not belong to me, they are the property of CTv and what used to be the-N. Nicole, the bestie, and Lucas, the asshat, are the only two I fully own; Keith Altman only partially belongs to me, the rest belongs to ABC & Grey's Anatomy.  
I also do not own the songs featured in this chapter:  
 _Transatlanticism_ by Death Cab for Cutie  
 _Let it Die_ by Feist  
 _Edge of Desire_ by John Mayer  
 _Amnesia_ by Five Seconds of Summer  
 _Hate Me_ by Blue October

* * *

 _Back to You_  
Chapter Two: Transatlanticism

" _Let it die and get out of my mind…we don't see eye to eye or hear ear to ear…_ "

Keith Altman sat at the soundboard, relaxed back in his chair, as he watched Jude in the studio. Her voice filled the room, warm and sultry, and he was truly amazed at her talent. They flew him in from Seattle to produce her album and from the stories he'd been hearing before he arrived, he really wasn't looking forward to coming. She was 'bitchy, controlling, rude and a perfectionist'. So far all he saw was that she was serious about her music. She knew her way around the board and knew what she wanted the sound to be.

" _Don't you wish that we could forget that kiss? And see this for what it is…that we're not in love…_ "

She honestly didn't need him there to produce amazing music, it seemed that she just wanted someone to bounce ideas off of. She was pretty closed off and he didn't know much more about her than he did before he came, other than she liked to record barefoot and liked her coffee as black as she could get it. " _The saddest part of a broken heart isn't the ending so much as the start._ "

Inside the studio, Jude was barefoot as she leaned against the stool under the mic. Her eyes were shut against the music, the memories from when the song had been originally penned washing over her. " _It was hard to tell just how I felt, to not recognize myself…I started to fade away, away, away._ "

It was therapeutic in a way to revisit them. And though she didn't want to toot her own horn, the music she wrote in New York was some of the best she'd ever written and her rankings on the charts proved that to be true. " _And after all…it won't take long to fall in love. Now I know what I don't want._ "

Until she wrote her pain out, all she knew were endless nights of pacing her floors that were littered with take-out boxes and balled up sheets of paper. Her eyes opened, and she stared at her reflection in the glass that separated the studio from the sound booth. " _I learned that with you…_ "

The intensity of the red had faded in her hair to look more natural and she noticed how her cheeks looked fuller. The weight she'd lost in New York she was gaining back, and she was beginning to look like she had after her first tour – only older and more experience in her eyes. The industry had a way of doing that to you, sucking the youth, hope, and optimism from a person.

" _The saddest part of a broken heart, isn't the ending so much as the start. The tragedy starts from the very first spark,_ "

Sadie was to show up today and as the hour got closer, the more anxious she became. She had to tell her, but even the thought was making her sick to her stomach. Once she told Sadie it would become reality. Right now, it felt like she was living in a dream, a little bitty slice of alternate reality, because _really_ – Jude pregnant, again? No fuckin' way.

Per her request, Nicole had given up speaking about it and let Jude do her thing – though Jude was okay that she constantly reminded her to drink more water and take her prenatal vitamins. She napped often but would lay awake at night and think of the future as she walked her fingers up and down her still soft, flat abdomen. How was she going to be a mother, a Rockstar, _and a writer_? She didn't want to rely on nannies to help her care for her child, even though that was an industry norm. " _Losing your mind for the sake of your heart. The saddest part of a broken heart isn't the ending, so much as the start..._ "

The music ended in her ears only to have Nicole's voice break through her musical reverie. " _Bitch,"_ she said, leaning forward on the soundboard as Keith began turning nobs with a set of headphones on his ears. "That was amazing."

"Thanks, Nic." Jude said smiling as she took off her headphones and hung them around the microphone. She stooped down to grab her shoes and wandered into the sound booth. "What do you think, Keith?"

He looked up at her and gave a nod. "If I had a heart, it would have broken into a million pieces."

Both girls laughed and he smiled as he turned back to the board, focused on mixing. "Lunch?" Nicole asked, perking up.

Jude perked up, too, with a huge smile on her face, nodding her head excitedly. "Definitely!" She said, then turned to Keith. "Are we good here for right now?"

He nodded without looking at them, turning a knob then bringing a fader down. "Yeah, I'll get you later to clean up vocals and add in some melodies."

"Okie doke," Jude gave him the finger guns before grabbing her bag and walking out with Nicole.

Ten minutes later, the two women sat across from each other with a glass of water in front of them. Jude squeezed the lemon into her water, dropping the slice into the glass and sucking the juice from her finger. "It is so beautiful out." She said as she leaned back into her chair, smiling as the sunlight filtered softly through the white umbrella that shaded their table.

"How are you feeling today?" Nicole said, pushing up her wide framed sunglasses on her nose. "I heard you get up and get sick as I was leaving this morning."

"Ugh," She said, sipping her water from the straw and putting the glass back on the table. "I will be so glad when this stage is over."

"Have you figured how you're going to tell Sadie?"

"I was just gonna tell her? I mean, I didn't think I needed to do anything elaborate. She's about to learn her Rockstar baby sister is about to have a baby. Pretty sure that'll be shocking enough without me putting it into a song or giving her a riddle card or some meal with baby sized food everywhere." Jude said, referring to the Full House episode where Becky told Jesse she was _up the duff_ with a plate full of baby-sized items.

"We always did something elaborate whenever one of my sisters were pregnant." Nicole came from a long line of women in her family. Her grandmom came from a family of six sisters, who in turn had five of her own. One of whom was Nicole's mother, who gave birth to six daughters as well. Nicole happened to be the youngest and the most successful, while her other sisters went on to be housewives and mothers. Though Nicole seen no problems with their life choices, she just felt it wasn't in her cards.

"I'd rather just tell her, straight up." She said, sipping her water as she spied a bird splashing in a gutter puddle several yards from their table. "That's how us Harrison's are."

* * *

Kwest sat still as stone as he watched Tom's fingers move effortlessly over the fretboard of his guitar, his head tilted towards the microphone with closed eyes _. "Young and full of running, tell me – where has that taken me?_ "

This was the first session that Kwest actually sat in on. Tom had been overly secret about the tracks he was recording, finally just releasing a single after 2 months passing since he announced he was releasing an album. Maybe the mystery was what fueled the tabloids and talk shows to speculate on his freshman album. " _Just a great figure eight or a tiny infinity…love is really nothing but a dream that keeps waking me._ "

Behind his closed eyes, Tom seen Jude standing in front of him as he always remembers her: wavy red hair, band tee and ripped jeans, her old converses that she would spend precious studio time drawing on. Wind blew her hair across her face as she stood with her arms crossed over her chest. " _For all of my trying, we still end up dying – how can it be?_ "

 _'He's come a long way from 'Frozen', that's for damn sure,'_ Kwest thought. He felt pride swell in his chest as he transitioned into the chorus, reminding himself that he was best friends with this tortured, talented enigma. He knew all there was to know about Thomas Jacques Du Toir and in that moment, with that thought, guilt washed over him as he thought of how he abandoned him just after Jude left. He never paused to think about what Tom must have gone through while home in New Brunswick, the hellhole they both came from.

" _Don't say a word just come over and lie here with me…because I'm just about to set fire to everything I see._ " He sung, wishing that Jude was there to hear this. Like the rest of the songs he'd recorded already, they were all to her. She was the sole muse for his album. " _I want you so bad, I'll go back on the things I believe…_ "

Chills ran down Kwest's spine hearing Tom's voice. " _There I just said it…I'm scared you'll forget about me._ "

Tom's eyes opened and looked down at his hands as he continued playing. " _So young and full of running – all the way to the edge of desire. Steady my breathing, silently screaming, 'I have to have you now.'"_

" _Wired and I'm tired, think I'll sleep in my clothes on the floor._ " Tom remembered the first week in sobriety, the withdrawals and how they'd affected him. For a while there he barely slept, unable to do anything but let his mind race and body follow. Though alone in his high-rise apartment, he felt shamed as his body twitched and did things that were beyond control. " _Maybe this mattress will spin on its axis and find me on yours._ "

He wished for Jude to just reappear for weeks, that somehow, she'd get that he'd been yearning for her and show up at his doorstep. That was his naivety, the wishful part of him that still wanted world peace and his parents to get back together. " _Don't say a word, just come over and lie here with me…cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see._ " The realistic side of him knew that it wasn't possible, that actual space and time apart to face their own demons and repair themselves is what they needed. " _I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe._ "

His voice dripped with emotion as he sang the truest line of all them. " _There I just said it…I'm scared you'll forget about me_." It had been his biggest fear when he learned Jude wouldn't be staying in New York, that she was moving on to London. That was even farther away that he had initially prepared himself for.

Their hands made a resounding clap as Kwest high-fived Tommy after he walked out of the studio. "Man, you killed that." Kwest said, following up with a clap on the shoulder. "I'm not gonna act like I'm not hurt by the fact you haven't had me in on _any_ of your recording sessions, but this made up for that fact."

"I'm sorry, man. I've just been in a zone and I know you have been busy producing the new talent D just got in."

Kwest waved his hand through the air, brushing it off. "It's all good, T." He said as they both sat down at the board. "So, how's the meetings been going?"

He'd been Tom's choice of transportation for the meetings. Tom chose one in a more rundown area of Toronto so that he wouldn't get a chance at being recognized and he didn't feel comfortable leaving his car parked. Hell, even Kwest felt sketchy just driving through.

"It's…it's going." He said turning to face Kwest, leaning his arm on the edge of the soundboard. "I haven't told my own story yet, but it's inspiring to hear of others comeuppance. That a life of complete sobriety is attainable."

"I'm glad you're doing this. I've known you for a long time, T – "

"Miss Satler's second grade class!"

They laughed in unison at the mention of their teacher's name.

"Honestly, though, you're my best friend and it makes me proud to see you following through with this. You really spiraled off the deep end for a while there and I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend. I should've been there for you."

Tom nodded, the year without Jude and constantly worrying over where she was and if she was alive flashing before his eyes. He did really lose himself for a while.

"Water under the bridge, man. I probably would've pushed you away too. I was really fucked up." He said, shaking his head. "Going back home was bad. I – I wish I could go back to that point and choose to stay, send money to Selena and ma. That place is a cesspool and does nothing but drag me down when I'm there."

Kwest nodded in understanding, remembering his own problems in New Brunswick.

Tom turned in his chair to face the soundboard and started up the playback. "So," He started, in an attempt to sound casual as he adjusted a few knobs and faders. "How's Jude doing? Have you and Sadie spoke to her recently?"

Kwest half smiled, knowing what Tom was getting at. "She's been good. Sadie said she's settled in with Nicole. They have a flat in Notting Hill just a couple blocks from G-Major's studio." He said as he reached to move Tom's hand from a fader and adjusting it himself. "Apparently, though, she has something _really_ important to tell Sadie."

" _Really_ important? How important?" He asked nonchalantly, though his mind was moving at warp speed thinking of all the possibilities.

"Important enough that she's flying out to London today, I dropped her at the airport early this morning." Kwest said as he shook his head, wondering himself what was so important that Sadie just had to fly across the Atlantic to be told.

"Oh." Tom said, his brows furrowing. "You think she's ready?"

Kwest nodded, knowing he meant Sadie. Not every day was a good one. There were days she still struggled to get going in the morning. Though speech therapy had helped tremendously, her stutter still got the best of her sometimes. Dr. Winters said she had come a long way, but they were never sure if she would come back to one hundred percent. "Yeah," He said, thinking of their most recent visit. Sadie had left furious when she was told that the cane she was using might end up being a permanent need. "She's come far and there's no way I could stand in the way of her going to see Jude."

"Oh God, you're right. Nothing worse than a headstrong Sadie Marie Harrison." Tom said as they looked at each other and laughed in unison.

* * *

Nicole and Jude were laughing together as Jude recounted a story from her first tour, where Spied was dared to eat a jar of jalapenos. The poor guy could barely sit due to the fire in his pants for the following week. Overhead the radio was playing an easy listening station and the song had just changed when the guitar riff caused Jude's ears to perk. Nicole noticed her change and stopped, listening too.

Nicole noticed the little things about Jude and music. If she suddenly quieted down during a song, that meant something – you listen.

A gasp emitted from her lips as the voice came in, singing clearly. " _I drove by all the places, we used to hang out getting wasted_. _I thought about our last kiss, how it felt, the way it tasted._ " It was Tommy. His first single and though she'd heard things about it, hadn't had the nerve to actually look it up and listen to it. She was hoping to gently avoid it because obviously it was going to be about her. " _And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine – are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you? When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?"_

Her hands froze in midair, the sandwich still held between her fingertips. Emotions swirled in her stomach causing her heart to take off at a fast pace. _"Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie? If what we had was real, how could you be fine?_ " Tears pricked the back of her eyes and up until then, Nicole had zoned out on the cement as the song played. Thoughts of Spied raced through her brain. She hadn't called him before leaving for London and she hadn't called him since she had gotten to London either. They'd talked through text several times while she was still in New York, but she never got back in touch with him. " _Cause I'm not fine at all._ "

However, when she looked up and seen Jude a blubbering, crying mess she dropped her fork onto her plate and reached for Jude's hand. She looked up at Nicole, grateful, as they squeezed each other's hands. " _I remember the day you told me you were leaving, I remember the make-up running down your face…and the dreams you left behind you didn't need them – like every single wish we ever made._ "

" _I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things – like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you and the memories I can never can escape – cause I'm not fine at all!_ "

"I'm not fine either!" Jude sobbed out loud as she dropped her sandwich and covered her eyes with her hands. Around them patrons were eyeing the table as the two girls were left in fits of tears over the song playing. Nicole took notice, sobered by Jude's outburst, though one could not blame her – she was knocked up and listening to the love of her life (whether Jude wanted to admit it or not, Tom was) croon to her about how he wasn't fine and basically wanted a serious brain injury if he couldn't have her back.

"Jude," She shook at her hand she still held. "Jude, we gotta try to calm down." Her voice softened and she dabbed at her own eyes before reaching her other hand across the table to rub the forearm that belonged to the hand she held. "People are looking and we can't have this in the tabs."

Jude let out a half-laugh, half-sob. "Fuck these overzealous hormones!" She pointed down to her stomach with her free hand. "You better reign this in, right now, little one. Mommy doesn't like being so emotional."

With that statement, she went over the edge again and started crying into her palm. It was real, she was pregnant again. This was how her crying fits started at home, late at night, when she only had the dark and Tom's CD to comfort and cajole her – though she couldn't tell which was doing which. "I swear, Nic, this is like tenth time I've cried today. I am going to be a shriveled raisin if I keep crying like this throughout this whole pregnancy. People aren't made to cry this much."

Suddenly, her phone went off and she reached for it without checking the ID. "This is Jude," She said, reaching for her glass of water to hydrate.

"Baby sis?"

"Sadie?!" She exclaimed, sitting her glass on the table hard. "I thought you weren't due in for another 3 hours?"

"I decided to switch my flight to an earlier one, so jetlag wouldn't hit me so hard." Honestly, Sadie just wanted to get over there as soon as possible. She missed Jude and whatever it was that she had to tell her was eating her up inside.

"Oh my God!" She hopped in her chair, excitedly. Knowing why Sadie called, Jude spoke quickly. "The car was not expecting you until later, but we'll be on our way in like five minutes. Where's your gate?"

* * *

Jude hopped out of the passenger seat before Nicole could even get the car into park and the two Harrison sisters threw their arms around each other. Jude buried her face into Sadie's shoulder, the familiar and comforting smell of Sadie's Moroccan oil shampoo and conditioner wafting her senses, as Sadie cradled the back of her head as she did when Jude was a baby. "I've missed you so, so much."

"Sadie…" Jude pulled away as her eyes shone with unshed tears. "you have no idea."

"C'mon, let's get going. I want to see the city!"

Jude reached for one of Sadie's many suitcases, shocked at how heavy it felt when she pulled the handle to get it rolling. "Well, I do need to finish up a song I recorded earlier. I can drop you off at my flat and you can make yourself at home until I'm done."

Sadie nodded as she reached for another one and they started for the car idling at the curb. "That works, too. I started back up at G-Major not too long after you left. I could definitely use a little R and R."

The two sisters gave each other knowing looks and nodded as they loaded her things into the trunk – or boot, as Jude was getting used to saying. "Well, let's get going – I already avoided Keith's calls twice and I'd really like to put this song behind me for now."

Sadie nodded as they both slid into the back seat.

* * *

"Sadie!" Jude called as she and Nicole strolled through the front door of their shared flat. "We're home! And we brought food!"

She dropped her bags by the door and kicked off her sandals, relishing in the feel of the cool tile against her warm feet. It was such a long day, she'd been up since before dawn, and she had no opportunity to get in an afternoon nap like she was getting used to doing.

"Sadie?" Jude yelled one last time as she got closer to her bedroom, where the door was slightly ajar. She paused as she heard Toni Braxton crooning from her Bose speakers that were built into the ceiling of her room and bathroom. She sauntered in through her bedroom and into the adjoining bathroom, the skirt of her maxi dress flowing around her feet.

She chuckled as she walked in to see Sadie soaking in her deep clawfoot tub, bubbles rising high above the lip of the bath. With a wine glass in hand, half-filled with what looked to be Jude's favorite Rose, and a sloppy bun atop her head, Sadie sang along to ' _Seven Whole Nights_ '.

"Well, don't you look comfortable as heck?" Jude said causing her to jump, the wine sloshing over the rim of her glass. She crossed her arms as she leaned against the doorframe.

"Why, thank you, baby sister…I am quite comfortable." Sadie said as she titled her head back. "I am in love with your tub."

"It's a deep soaker…I made sure I asked Annabelle specifically for that. My old apartment in New York had one and I can't tell you how many nights I fell asleep in the tub, drunk or not."

"Lucky duck." Sadie chuckled, pointing at her with the hand that held her wine glass.

"C'mon, Sades. You gonna get out? Me and Nicole brought some food home."

Sadie nodded, reaching to set her glass on the windowsill nearest to her. "Most definitely!"

Ten minutes later, the three women were sitting in Jude's living room around her coffee table where the food containers were opened and arranged in a circle. They were digging into them, filling up their plates and talking briefly about Sadie's flight and Jude's recording session.

"I have to say, Jude, I think this might be better than Uncle Ou's." Sadie said, referring to their regular Chinese take-out in Toronto, as she swallowed a mouthful of food.

"Mm-hmm." Jude nodded, her cheeks full of Lo Mein noodles.

"So…" Sadie started, picking at her food with her chopsticks. "I know you didn't fly me out to London because you wanted to eat with me."

Jude swallowed her noodles, her heart taking off in a sprint. "Uh," She trailed off, the anxiety wanting to keep her quiet though she knew she had to tell her. "I – I…" Her eyes darted over to Nicole and they exchanged a look with Nic shaking her head.

"Come on, Jude. What is it?" Sadie pushed, stabbing her chopsticks into her food and putting the container on the table.

"I – I…" she tried to start again, setting her food down. She cleared her throat and took a deep breath. "I'm…pregnant."

* * *

Once again, Tom sat in an NA meeting, his back resting against the back of the chair he sat in. An older woman, he's pretty sure she said her name was Betty, was up talking about her rock bottom. She'd started using as a child in the 60s and progressed after she lost her fiancé in Vietnam. She wasted her chance to have children after having so many abortions, which weren't sanctioned at the time, and spent a large portion of the 80s and 90s in jail. He was only half listening, though, because he could feel Blu's eyes on him from across the room. He'd purposely chose the seat next to a gentleman that smelled rather distasteful. He did not want to get tangled up in her drama and he really didn't feel like changing meeting locations, he was starting to comfortable there.

He didn't initially hear his name until the gentleman he sat next to tapped him on his shoulder and gestured towards the front with a grunt. He stood up, wiping the palms of his hands on his jeans. "Hi," He said, lifting his hand into an awkward wave.

"Hi, Tom." Adam, the leader of the meeting, said with a kind smile. He was young, barely 40, and wore a sweater-vest set despite the spring season. "I know you've been here a couple weeks and I was just wondering, after listening to several of our other members speak – if you would like to? Speak that is."

"Uh," Tom shifted on his feet, feeling uncomfortable. "I'm not ready to spill my entire story, but um, hi everyone – my name is Tom."

In stereotypical NA manner, the room echoed back "Hi, Tom."

"I, uh, I was – am – addicted to cocaine and heroin. I'm currently 32 days sober." He said, tucking his fingers in his pockets just enough to feel the sobriety coin against his leg. "This has been a big step for me, though I've had my bouts of recovery and sobriety, I've been struggling with addiction since I was a young child. Though I'm not ready to tell my story, I do want to say that listening to everyone's stories are uplifting and are a big inspiration. I'm glad I'm here."

A round of applause resounded in the room and Tom smiled and waved before sitting back down.

"Thank you for sharing that little bit Tom, I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say we look forward to hearing your story."

* * *

"You're what?!" Sadie was teetering on maniacal as she set her food down. "Are you kidding me?"

Jude shook her head, swallowing thickly. "Not in the least. I found out the day you called me last week."

"It's Luke's, right?" Jude's eyebrows shot up at the question, looking away as she took a sip from her water bottle. "Jude?"

She licked her lips and tilted her head to the side slightly. "I am not entirely too sure." She said slowly and quietly. Sadie would have liked to have had a cow at that moment, she had no idea that Jude was sleeping with both of them while in Toronto.

"Jesus Christ…" Sadie trailed off, standing up and pacing over to the window. She turned and faced Jude. "How did you allow this to happen?"

"Allow this? Because I wanted to be pregnant, again? I was on birth control before I left California to come home. The whole situation was stressful, and I was thrown off my normal routine! I – I didn't give it a second thought until after I got to London and was more settled."

"Jude." She said, sighing as she put her hand on her forehead. She went from sister to PR director in a split second. "This is not good. I mean, I'm happy for you – though the situation is less than ideal – but from a standpoint of Darius and G-Major – this might not be the best thing to happen."

"Sadie, I know."

"What do you plan on doing? Are you going to tell Tom or Luke? Darius? Have you thought about the paparazzi? Once you start showing, the shit will hit the fan. How far along are you even?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen a doctor yet. I was hoping you could help me find one that's discreet and could make house calls once I get farther along. I don't want to be swarmed as I'm going to and from appointments. I, also, don't want this getting out before I'm ready either."

"That's understandable." Sadie said as she folded her arm underneath her breasts and paced the floor, her mind racing with plans. After a couple minutes, she spoke. "Okay, here's the deal. I'm going to stay a little longer than anticipated and we're going to get things straightened out with a doctor. We need to tell Darius ASAP."

"I do not want to make an official announcement. I'd rather just be pregnant and them possibly find out rather than make some big statement and have them buzzing over me. I want this to be relatively obscure."

"Okay," Sadie said, holding her arm out in front of her as she twirled her engagement ring around her finger. "I want you to be prepared, though, Darius will want you to make a statement sooner or later."

Jude nodded, drawing her legs closer to her. Nicole, who'd been quiet until then, spoke up. "You know once Annabelle finds out…" She trailed off and Jude groaned, letting her head fall back.

"My life is turning into a reality show. _The Notting Hill_ instead of _The Hills_. I'm freakin' Lauren Conrad here."

Nicole laughed. "Oh, does that make me Whitney Port?" She asked with a cheeky smile, causing Jude to chuckle.

"Shut up, Nicole."

* * *

Later that night, after his meeting, Tom lay sprawled across his couch in pajamas pants and a hoodie. His laptop lay on his stomach as he scrolled through Vogue's website, smiling as he found the portrait of her laughing, and clicked the link that lead to her blog. The newest post was up, as scheduled, and this time she was sharing the details of the flat she shared with Nicole. Pictures of the two women, as well as a tasteful pictorial of Jude showing off her bedroom were included.

It still surprised him how much she had changed her personal style in her absence. The walls of her room were painted a very light lavender with a stark white trim and black accents. A picture of her in a cream-colored silk robe leaning against the doorjamb with arms folded that led to her closet held his attention the longest. Her red hair cascaded down her face and onto her shoulders, the robe hugged her curves and she smiled in a way that conveyed she had a saucy secret.

God damn it. He missed her.

He shut the lid of his laptop as feelings swirled and built up in his stomach. Standing up quickly and tossing the computer on the table, he paced to his study and snatched his journal off the desk. He'd taken to writing songs to curb his cravings.

" _An ounce of peace is all I want for you_ …" He sang, quickly putting pen tip to paper and scribbling. " _will you never call again?_ "

He looked around at the walls of his study, the plaques that hung, the pictures of his friends, certificates of achievement. He paced the floors as one hand held the journal and one hand gripped the pen. " _Hate me today…hate me tomorrow._ " He sang softly as he walked past the pictures and stopped at one of him and Jude when she first won Instant Star. The memory of her first performance at the Vinyl Palace washed over him like a wave. " _Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you…_ "

* * *

\- Please Review! -


	3. Chapter 3: What is to be Done?

**Title:** Back to You **  
Author:** Miss x Massacre **  
Universe/Pairing:** Instant Star/Jommy **  
Rating:** T with _questionable_ chapters **  
Authors Note:** You ever plan something out, as far as writing, and then when it comes down to it – it changes completely? Yeah, me too. When I planned to write out this scene with the surprise guest character (that may or may not be a theme with this story), my notes literally said, 'Sadie and Jude are disinterested as she speaks'. WELL, Jude had other things in mind and it took a complete left turn when this surprise character began to speak, but Jude is Jude and she's also pregnant and hormonal. *shoulder shrugs* It is what it is. Haha. THANK YOU from the bottom of my cold, deformed heart for the 2 new reviews I received (from _larydreamer_ and a guest reader). They gave me the warm fuzzies and the motivation to finish this chapter because although getting into that certain headspace Tom's in at the bottom of the chapter was not hard by any means, he was still being difficult to get the story out. I hope you all enjoy! Please review and tell me if it was great, amazing, horrible, or if there's anything you'd like to see in upcoming chapters! Love you all loads. xxx.  
 **Disclaimer** : I do not own the characters of Instant Star, they belong to CTv and the former channel known as the-N. I also do not own Dr. Addison Montgomery, she belongs to ABC and Shonda Rhimes (also known as Satan), or the featured songs in this chapter:  
What is to be Done? By Stars (the best band EVER)  
Bored by Billie Eilish  
Everybody but Me by Lykke Li  
Dreamy Bruises by Sylvan Esso

* * *

 _Back to You, a Sequel_  
Chapter 3: What is to be Done?

A week later, Jude lay on an exam table with Sadie by her head. She pet her sister's hair lovingly, her mind wandering to so many different places as she eyed the scar hidden in the baby hair sprouting from Jude's scalp.

"I'm scared, Sadie." She said, stone-faced as she stared at the wall ahead of her. "I lost my first one. I'm not over the moon that I'm pregnant but I also don't want to lose another. That would just shatter me."

"I understand, sis." Sadie replied, looking down at her sister. In so many ways, they were older than what their true ages were. Jude doubled up her aging quota the minute she took the stage on Instant Star. She was nearly 23 but felt every bit of her mid-30s. Sadie felt even older, the accident and the stress of getting better taking its toll on her.

Just as Sadie was about to go into a full-fledged pep-talk for her little sister, a knock was heard on the door.

"Come in," Jude called, moving to sit up on her elbows to see who was coming in.

"Hello there," A feminine voice said as she poked her head in the room. She was a beautiful red head with striking blue eyes that gave contrast to her porcelain skin. A wide smile graced her features as she stepped fully into the room. "I'm Dr. Addison Montgomery."

Jude accepted the dainty hand of the doctor and shook it politely. "Jude Harrison."

"Nice to finally meet you, Ms. Harrison." Dr. Montgomery said as she grabbed the folder from the counter and flipped it open. She glanced over a couple pages before shutting it. "So, I hear you're going to have a baby?"

The doctor paced over to the exam table and placed a hand on Jude's shoulder, gesturing for her to lay down. "Yes, that's what the test told me."

"About how late is your period?" Dr. Montgomery asked as she lifted Jude's gown to expose her pale belly. With confident movements, she palpated Jude's abdomen.

"Uh," Jude stared at the ceiling, her mind reeling. When was the last time she had her period? She could barely remember. It was the week she left for California with Lucas. And though it was only a couple months, it felt like a lifetime ago. "I'm not sure…the last period I remember having was at the end of November. I was due for it near Christmas, but it never came."

"Okay," Dr. Montgomery said as she lowered her gown. "I'm going to order some bloodwork, we're going to do an internal exam, and then I'll do an ultrasound. I think you're far enough along that you will hear the heartbeat."

Jude nodded as Dr. Montgomery leaned her back against the counter and made a couple notes in Jude's file. She flipped through a couple pages and hummed before looking up at Jude. "You have carried a child before?" She asked, glancing between the paper she held between her fingers and Jude.

"Um, yeah." Jude said, leaning her head to the side to see the doctor. "I was pregnant about a year and a half to two years ago." She pursed her lips and took a breath. "I – I miscarried at sixteen weeks."

Dr. Montgomery nodded, making a couple notes on the sheet that she had held. "I'm so sorry about your loss." She said, looking up and shutting the file. The doctor paced over to her side and put a hand on her arm. "I am, however, the 'Baby Guru' of the West Coast in the states. I am going to make it my primary duty to make sure your baby is safe, sound, and born on time."

Jude nodded silently as tears shone in her eyes. "Thank you," She whispered with a watery smile.

Later, after all the monotonous things were taken care of, Jude lay back on the exam table with Sadie's hand in hers and an anxious look on her face. Dr. Montgomery lifted her gown once again and squirted some of the doppler gel onto her bare stomach.

"Are you ready?" She asked, holding the doppler probe over her stomach.

"Yes."

Gently, but firmly, Dr. Montgomery ran the probe over her stomach and immediately a black and white image popped up on the screen. She moved it around, humming as she did so, and took a couple shots. She stopped over a spot and flipped the screen, so Jude and Sadie could see. "This, here, is your baby." She said, pointing to the blob on the screen.

Jude gasped and looked at Sadie. Sadie smiled, tears filling her eyes as the little blob moved. "Aw, Jude." She cooed, squeezing Jude's hand.

It was when Dr. Montgomery let her listen to the heartbeat that Jude began bawling. She only briefly seen doctors with her first pregnancy, which were never very long. Though she knew she was pregnant, she avoided the thought much of the time and never asked for copies of the ultrasounds. In hindsight, it hurt her that she never saved anything because now the only memories she had left of that baby were the memories of the night she found out, the night she left, and the blood soaked pants she wore and the infant-sized comforter she'd held as she sat down in the rocking chair at Macy's on that fateful day.

"Oh, thank you, Dr. Montgomery." Jude said as she blubbered over her tears. The doctor smiled in response.

"Call me Addison, please." She said and held her hand out to help Jude sit up. "And no need to thank me, I take pleasure in doing what I do."

Addison adjusted the back of the exam table, so Jude was able to sit up and then paced over to grab Jude's file again. "Okay, it looks like you're about 12 weeks gestation. Your due date is estimated to be September 6." Jude nodded in response as Addison continued. "Now, there's 4 weeks to go until your previous miscarriage occurred. I want to keep a close eye on you until then, meaning weekly checkups, but I also have some scrupulous instructions for you to follow."

"Hit me, doc." Jude said shrugging.

"Okay, no long walks, standing for extended periods of time, which means more than 15 minutes. Absolutely _no_ heavy lifting and _no_ stressful activities. I need you calm, relaxed, and happy for about four more weeks until we get through the danger zone."

Jude huffed, wanting to laugh. Her life was nothing but stress. Instead, she nodded and told the doctor. "I'll do my best."

* * *

"I'm _tho_ hum-greh." Jude mumbled with her mouth full of noodles causing Sadie to laugh as she cut her chicken into smaller pieces.

"Well, you are eating for two now." Sadie gestured to her stomach with her fork before setting her wrists down on the table and looking at Jude pointedly. "I can't believe I'm gonna be the aunt first! Growing up I was so sure I was gonna be the mom first."

Jude sipped at her water, swallowing her food and shrugging. "Yeah, but you also thought you'd be on tour with Britney Spears as her back-up-dancer-slash-best-friend-slash-stylist."

"That's true, I also wanted to marry Little Tommy Q."

They both looked at each other and laughed loudly at the irony of their lives. Jude smiled at her sister, feeling her emotions piling up on her. She loved Sadie so much. Though they'd had a rocky start with their adult lives with high school monarchy, then to arguing about Tommy and her fame, things had turned out quite well for both of them. It meant a lot to her that Sadie stuck by her side when their parents hadn't.

"Jude? Sadie?" A familiar voice was heard behind Sadie and Jude squinted in the sun to see who it could be.

When she stepped beneath the shade of their tables umbrella, their smiles turned flat. It was Victoria Walsh in the flesh.

"Mom?" Sadie asked incredulously, looking between her and Jude, who looked like she was about to sprout a 4-alarm fire.

"Girls, it's so good to see you."

"I thought you died." Jude said, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Hoped is more like it, though."

"Jude," Victoria said, sighing. "There's no reason to act like this."

"Act like what? Like you didn't just _abandon_ us and run off to marry some asshole?"

Sadie sat nervously, watching the two fight, and as much as she wanted to stop the fight because she'd always been the peacemaker – she felt Jude was right. Victoria just up and left them, at a time when they needed her most. They were just coming into adulthood, they still needed guidance and Victoria just _left_. She didn't even say good-bye to Jude, her youngest daughter.

"Jude, honey."

"No, don't 'Jude, honey' me." She said, shaking her head. "You lost that privilege a _long_ time ago."

"Look, I didn't stop and talk to fight. I just wanted to say hi to my daughters. Tell you that you girls look great…that I miss you and - "

Jude snorted a laugh and Sadie rolled her eyes.

"C'mon, _Victoria_. What did you really expect?" Jude said, pursing her lips. "That we would just gush at the sight of you? That we would just fall all over ourselves because our _incubator_ decided to just grace us with her presence for what – " Jude looked at her wristwatch. " _five_ minutes and everything would be okay?"

"N-no, I just thought…" She took a deep breath, shifting her weight on her feet. "I saw you moved here several months ago and I've been trying to think of a way to find you and approach you. I want to apologize…for leaving you guys. I was wrong, I was so wrong."

"Yes, _Vic_. You are wrong, you've been wrong." Jude said, moving to stand up. She stood taller than her mother thanks to the heels on her feet. "You left _us_. You didn't even say _good-bye_ to your child, your flesh and blood. I don't care if I was 17 or 47. You don't just up and disappear with no contact and then expect everything to be hunky-dory when you run into us years later!"

Jude reached for her crossbody purse beside her lunch plate. Tears welled in her eyes as she turned around to face Victoria again, but she willed them not to fall. "I have no forgiveness for you left in me. Maybe if you'd tried to contact me sooner, I might have been able to forgive you but not anymore. I've been through so much _shit_ on my own. I don't need you." She stood tall, her chest heaving as she breath came in short spurts

"Yeah, I heard about your year away…" Victoria said, her feelings hurt and wanting to take a jab out of spite. She was being completely embarrassed by her youngest daughter. "I swore I rose you better than to run."

"Well, like mother like daughter, huh?"

She looked at Sadie, who stood from her seat with her purse over her shoulder and cane hanging over her wrist. "Are you okay?" She asked Sadie, concern in her eyes.

"I don't think it really matters much, Victoria."

Jude had been fiddling with her phone and she cut Victoria off just as she was about to speak again. "Sades, I'm really not feeling well and this type of – " she waved her hands between the three of them erratically. " – is not recommended. I called my driver, he's coming around now."

Victoria sat there quiet as she watched the two girls she gave birth to then subsequently leave. She wished things were different. Though she was never sure of what to expect the day she would run into her daughters again after her shotgun wedding to Don, she never did expect this reaction. "Girls, I – "

"Save it," Jude said, barely glancing at her as she put her hand up to stop her. "There's nothing more to say."

Just then, a black Mercedes with deep tinted windows pulled up to a stop beside their table. Jude dropped a 50-pound note on the table and got in the car without a second look behind her. Sadie followed suit but did glance over and give her an angry look before shutting the door behind her. Victoria couldn't see through the tint but lifted her hand in a wave anyway.

"I'm sorry," She whispered to the wind.

"I CANNOT BELIEVE HER!" Jude shouted as she paced the floors of the studio.

Immediately upon entering, she'd kicked off her shoes and dropped her bag at the door. She was so worked up, she never really realized how much hate she held for her mother until she was confronted with her face-to-face.

"You know it's not so much that she came over to talk, but it's more or less that she thinks that _everything is going to be okay_ just because. I can't stand her!"

Sadie was standing in the doorway, leaning her body weight on her cane as she watched Jude pace back and forth and back again. "Jude," She said calmly, the warnings Addison gave them echoing in her head. "You gotta calm down, babe. You know what the doctor said."

"You know I'm having a really hard time right now cause I just wanna punch her in the face!" She said, and Sadie stifled a laugh because it really looked like steam was about to come from her ears.

Sadie set her purse beside Jude's and walked over to her. She stopped her in her tracks, placing her hands on her shoulders. "Jude." She said looking her in the eyes.

Jude stopped, her breathing heavy. "Sadie."

"I want you to breathe with me. Remember the little one you have growing inside you."

Jude nodded her head and echoed Sadie's deep breathing. "Just focus on me, okay? Fuck everything else."

Within minutes, Jude had calmed down and was breathing steadily. She closed her eyes, relishing the last breath, and smiled when she opened them. "Thank you, Sadie." She said, pulling her into a hug.

"Mommy's sorry, my little pistachio." She said looking down at her stomach when they stepped back from one another. "I know the aggravation is bad for you, but I'm gonna work on it."

Sadie smiled widely as she listened to Jude talk to her stomach. "I know what will make you feel better…"

"Oh yeah, what's that?" Jude said, bright eyed.

"Le-et's record a song!" Sadie replied excitedly, and Jude nodded with the same enthusiasm.

"Keith-o!" Jude yelled, causing her producers head to shoot up from his phone. "Let's lay down a new one!"

"You got it, Jude." He said, nodding and setting his phone to the side. "You want to work on something you've already been working up?"

"No," She said, looking at Sadie. "She's gonna pick the song I sing today."

"I am?"

"Yes!" Jude said, rushing over to the corner and grabbing the 'New York Chronicles' journal from the stand. She thrust the tattered, leather-bound book at Sadie. "Here. Choose!"

Sadie took a seat on the floor, toeing off her sandals, and crossed her legs at her ankles. "Hmm," She flipped through the pages, reading her notes and gently brushing over the doodles on the corners of her pages. A few minutes later an 'AHA' sound was heard, and Sadie held out the journal to her. "This one."

Jude took the book from her and smiled, nodding her head. This was one of her favorites. "Alright, let's do this."

* * *

Tom stood by the door again, his hands in his pockets, as he waited to see the green Chevy Impala that belonged to Kwest. Today's meeting was a good one and he felt stronger than he had in a long time. He had done his best to avoid Blu and her inquiring look but had to contain his groan when she found him.

"Tommy!" She said, smiling and leaning against the wall beside him. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing alright. How are you doing, Blu?"

"I'm doing." She said, reaching up to brush her bangs from her eyes. "I was hoping we could grab a cup of coffee and catch up."

"Uh," He trailed off, looking out the doorway hoping to see Kwest pull up but no luck.

"Not like that!" She said quickly, holding her up hands defensively. "I – I really just want to talk music."

Tom was hesitant. He wasn't sure, but he was getting a feeling of not to trust her, but her doe eyed look and pouting lip…

"Okay."

She smiled widely, clapping her hands in front of her. "Perfect! Let me grab my stuff. I know this little diner around the corner, they have really good scones."

Tom nodded, pulling his phone out to text Kwest.

* * *

"Bored, vocals. Take one." Keith said into the microphone and counted Jude down from three.

On one, the instrumentals came through her headphones and she closed her eyes. The lyrics of the song were written on her heart, imprinted in her brain. She didn't need the journal to sing it. " _Ah-ah…ah-ah._ " Her voice came through clear and Keith nodded, giving her a thumb up. " _The games you played were never fun…you say you'd stay but then you'd run._ "

Sadie lay on the floor of the studio, her eyes closed as she listened to the feed through a pair of headphones. Her sister was so talented, and she knew it from the time Jude was a small toddler. " _Givin' you what you're beggin' for, givin' you what you say I need…I don't want any settled scores, I just want you to set me free._ " It'd always amazed her that Jude was able to put her feelings into songs, songs that touched millions…songs that had touched her.

" _Givin' you what you're beggin' for, givin' you what you say I need, say I need…_ "

Sadie opened her eyes and watched as Jude lost herself in her song. " _I'm not afraid anymore – what makes you sure you're all I need? Forget about it._ "

She'd written this song after she'd been in New York for a while, reflecting on her relationship with Tom. Of the times he'd left her, even before they'd officially gotten together. The way he kept her on a string, tightly tied, and pulled her along for the ride. Taking for granted the good woman he'd had. " _When you walk out the door and leave me torn you're teaching me to live without it…_ "

The music quieted, and her voice echoed in the headphones. " _Bored. I'm so bored – I'm so bo-ored. I'm so bored..._ "

" _I'm home alone, you're God knows where…_ " She seen him behind her eyes: their final argument in New Brunswick between the bars of a jail cell, his reaction as she found him in his office with cocaine dusted over his nose. " _I hope you don't think that shit's fair._ "

The music picked up again and she bounced on her toes. " _Givin' you all you want and more. Givin' you every piece of me, but I will never can afford…I just want you to love for free._ " It seemed their relationship always came at a cost. It costed her friends, sanity, security within herself, time, her _album_ for Christ's sake.

And what had it cost him?

Nothing as far as it concerned her.

" _Can't you see that I'm getting bored? Givin' you every piece of me…every piece of me."_ She sang, continuing right into the chorus. " _I'm not afraid anymore, what makes you sure you're all I need? Forget about it. When you walk out the door and leave me torn, you're teaching me to live without it…_ "

" _Bored…I'm so bored. I'm so bo-ored. I'm so bored._ "

* * *

"You know I still do music, I mean I take classes at the college because my mom basically forced me to, but music is still my passion. I can't tell you how many times I've kicked myself in the ass because I messed up the opportunity I had with G-Major."

Tom nodded, lifting his coffee cup to take a sip. "There's no denying that you're talented, Blu. It's just hard with your track record to positively pitch you to Darius without him nearly having a brain aneurysm."

"Look, I know I fucked up. I fucked up _royally,_ but there's got to be a chance that I can make it right." She said, nearly begging over her own coffee. "My sound has changed; can't I just give you a demo tape? Play it for him and don't tell him it's me…unless he likes it, that is."

Tom hummed for a minute, thinking about how it would go over with him. "Why don't you give me a little sample?" He asked as he reached for his phone to record her.

Blu nodded, reaching for her spoon that she stirred her coffee with and began tapping lightly on the cup while her foot tapped a beat. " _Ooh, I'm standing in the corner thinking all I want to…what am I to do?_ " Her voice was soft, but clear. " _Should I go home still sober? Should I buy me another glass of wine and forget about time?_ "

Tom's eyebrows raised in surprise as he listened, not expecting her to sound so good. She was really rough around the edges when she auditioned for her season of Instant Star and he knew she'd need molding, but to hear this? The song and her voice? It was mesmerizing.

" _Though my jeans are too tight, don't feel like dancing and all this light is too bright._ " The waitress that had their table stopped on the other side of the counter to listen, holding a carafe of coffee. " _Don't feel like shining though, this room is too small. I'd rather stand against the wall and hope that no one sees me._ "

She closed her eyes as she sung as to not focus on Tom's stare and how it made her nervous and turned on at the same time. " _And everybody's dancing, I don't want to. And everybody's toying, I don't want to. And everybody's laughing, I don't want to…everybody but me._ "

As she continued to sing, more patrons of the small diner turned to watch her. " _And everybody's drinkin', I don't want to. And everybody's using, I don't need one. And everybody's floating, I don't want to – everybody, but me, yeah._ "

She stopped suddenly and was surprised as the others who were watching her gave her a polite round of applause. "That's only part of it," She told Tom, leaning forward on her arms as he stopped the voice recorder on his phone. "I do have a whole song, but I thought if you give Darius just a slight tease – he'll want the whole thing?"

Tom nodded, sure that Darius would. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure he would. The sound was pretty cool with the coffee cup and toe tapping, you know?"

"Yeah, I do a lot of electronic stuff and sometimes I don't always have the equipment handy. I've done a couple street performances with just the stuff around me."

"That's awesome."

"Thanks," She said, lifting her coffee cup to her lips. "I have some other stuff at my apartment. Do you want to check it out?"

"I – I don't know if that'd be a good idea, Blu."

"Oh, come on, Tommy. It's just music. Some demos, I can play you some other stuff there because I have my equipment, it's not like I can do much to you." She said, rolling her eyes though in the back of her mind she had so many ideas the things she could do to him.

Against his better judgment because he felt bad and wanted to indulge her, he finally relented. "Okay." He said with a deep sigh. "Let's go."

* * *

"Hey, guys!" Nicole called as she breezed into the apartment with several bags hanging from her forearm. "I'm home!"

"In here!" Both Sadie and Jude called out in unison from the kitchen.

Nicole waltzed into the large, stark white kitchen to see Jude sitting on one of the high-top bar stools with a shower cap on. "What are you doing?" She asked as she dropped the bags unceremoniously onto their table.

"Dying my hair." Jude said, raising her eyebrows a couple times.

"Are you sure you should be doing that in your – pregnancy?" she finished awkwardly, squinting at the two sisters. She'd always heard it was unsafe to dye hair or tattoo your body while pregnant.

"Oh, yeah." Sadie said as she bent over at the waist to get closer to Jude's head and wipe away the excess dye on her skin. "That's just an old wives' tale especially with the products available now. Dr. Montgomery said it was okay."

"That's good then. I almost had a heart attack! You know that's my Godchild in there." Nicole said with a chuckle before reaching in the bag and pulling out a garment bag with _Vera Wang_ printed on the side. Jude eyeballed the bag with a smile on her face.

"Is that for me-e?" She said in a sing-song voice, rubbing her hands together.

"Ye-es." Nicole replied in the same tune as she held the bag up and unzipped the front to reveal several flowy dresses. "I figured since you will be showing soon, that you could _hides ze bump with ze dresses from Vera._ " Her accent caused Sadie to giggle. "She does send her best and says during the next fashion week she wants you walking down her runway."

"Vera was always my favorite." Jude said, dreamily as she looked through the dresses. "She does realize that I'm gonna be, like, a whale then, right? I'm due right around that time."

"Seriously?" Nicole said as she hung the garment bag over one of the chairs. "What did this doctor say?"

"Dr. Montgomery? She is the _best._ " Jude said, wiggling her eyebrows. "She said that I am 12 weeks along and am due about September 6th."

"Any idea what you're having? Boy? Girl?"

" _Jude_ didn't want to find out." Sadie said, her hands on her hips.

"What! I want to be surprised!" Jude exclaimed holding her hands up.

"Well, we don't!" Nicole and Sadie said at the same time before breaking into a fit of giggles.

Jude smiled, happily as they leaned into one another and laughed. She was dreading when Sadie would have to go home. Everything felt good right now, perfect even. She loved London, but missed Toronto still and with Sadie being here, she had a piece of home with her.

* * *

Tom shoved his hands in his pockets as he looked around uneasily at Blu's apartment. It vaguely resembled the old rehearsal space with the painted brick walls and grungy furniture that was decorated with clothes strewn everywhere.

"E-excuse the mess." Blu said nervously as she reached and picked up a pile of clothes from one arm chair and threw them into a corner. "Here, take a seat."

He shuffled over, completely regretting his decision to come with her. An uneasy feeling had wound its way up his stomach as they neared closer to her apartment and it erupted into a full-blown worry session as soon as he stepped foot in the place. "Uh, thanks." He said, sitting at the edge of the seat.

"So, just sit tight here. I'm gonna run to my room and grab my laptop and shit. It has my files on it. You'll love it." She said as she disappeared down a dimly lit hallway.

Tom looked around as he sat, wondering how she could live in a place like this though it much didn't surprise him. A lot of beautiful women were also the messiest, he'd come to learn in his years. He toed a shirt underneath the coffee table that sat in front of him and his mind wandered to Jude. She was beautiful, he wondered if she was messy too. He fucked up the opportunity to learn so much more about her. Mentally, for the millionth time since he found out she was alive, he kicked himself in the head.

"Okay!" She said walking back into the room, clutching her laptop to her chest with her fingers wrapped around something in her hand. She sniffed her nose as she sat down on the floor near him and opened her laptop, scanning the screen with her eyes before clicking on a file. "This is a song called 'Dreamy Bruises'."

Immediately an electronic beat came through in a quick-paced tempo. " _Ohio small road, colored lights in the night._ " Came Blu's voice through the speakers of her laptop. She'd used a condenser mic, he noted. It sounded amazing. She had the potential to take on producing with the sounds of it, " _Find some hand to hold…let the car coast with no lights._ "

" _Oh-e, oh-e, oh the kids move so slow. Moon in the window and no girls on the floor_." Tom nodded to the beat of the song, not paying attention to Blu dumping a white powdery substance on the table and cutting it into a thin line. " _Oh-e, oh-e, oh the kids move so slow. The dudes are wrapped around each other, drinking up the sweat as water_."

He didn't notice what she was doing until he heard a long snort and his eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "What the fuck are you doing?" He snapped, standing up quickly.

" _Oh-e, oh-e, oh kids move so slow, jump across the river – gotta know where to go."_

"Oh, come on, Tommy. It's just a little meth." She said, holding out a rolled-up dollar. "Sobriety is too hard. I just pick and choose when I do this. NA is really just to appease my P.O."

He laughed incredulously as he backed up from her outstretched hand. "No, _fuck no_." He said loudly against the music still streaming from her laptop. "There's no way in hell I'm going back down that road. I've already lost so much…"

" _Oh-e, oh-e, oh kids move so slow, lift the smallest one up higher."_

She stood up, pinching her nose and sniffing as she sauntered towards him. "But…think of all you could gain." She rubbed up her sides, giving him a temptress smile. He stood still, so shocked he couldn't move. She stopped in front of him and grabbed his face in between her hands, pulling his mouth towards hers.

" _Dreamy bruises welcome lovers and they say, I want you_ …"

He cringed internally as her lips met his and it brought him out of his reverie. His arms came up and he shoved her away forcefully. "What in the fuck." He said, wiping his lips off in disgust. "This – " He waved his hand between the two of them. " – is not going to happen. Never. I came to hear your music, nothing else."

"But…"

"No, Blu. I want a life of sobriety. I don't know what kind of shit you're attempting to pull here, but I want no parts of it."

" _To see all the ways I can move_."

He turned on his heel and stormed out of her apartment, leaving her standing there with her music still playing.

" _To see how my skin's so smooth, see how my blood runs blue…"_

Tom found himself at his apartment building hours, maybe it was minutes, later. He wasn't entirely too sure how long it took him to walk home from Blu's apartment because his mind had been swirling with anything and everything. He looked up at the high rise and took a deep breath. The night was definitely a crazy one, but he was proud of himself for not accepting the rolled-up dollar and throwing away the last 40 days of sobriety that he'd work so hard to achieve. He'd be lying if he said that he didn't really _want_ to do it because he did. Addiction was a fickle thing. A person could want it – want to be clean and sober with a happy and healthy life – but it took a constant effort. Even the slightest distraction and he could fall off the horse, be back at day one.

He had been fucked up for so long, though. Even during his early G-Major days, he his addiction and he hid it well. It was one of the many reasons he was so hesistant to get into a relationship with Jude. He couldn't drag her down while she was still building herself up.

And yet – that is exactly what he did.

He put his hands on his knees, taking another deep breah as memories bubbled to his surface. The echoes of the arguments from his childhood surrounded his ears and he stood up straight, looking around him in a daze.

' _You stupid fucking whore!'_

Dissociation. That's what the psychiatrist called it, anyway.

' _What are you crying for? You want me to give you something to cry about?'_

He blindly walked through the lobby of his apartment building and past the maître-de, barely acknowledging the older gentlemen as he bid him a good night. Once in the confines of the elevator, he brought his hands to his head and gripped at his hair, wishing for silence.

' _Can't be a man, can you? Like father, like son!_ '

Next thing he realized he was at his kitchen counter. Shattered glass was all over the floor and his hand was bleeding.

Dissociation due to a trigger.

Was Blu his trigger? Or was it the fact she snorted a fat line of meth in front of him and all he wanted to do in that moment was lick the table she'd cut it up on? Instead he walked out. He walked out and walked home, but that didn't stop his brain from going on overdrive. To revert back to the brain of his ten-year-old self, which was the first time he tried meth, his gateway to Addiction Kingdom. He was scared, alone, angry – just as he had been back then.

' _Look at your goddamn son! Look at him, Andrei! Following in Daddy's footsteps, Thomas? You just turned ten and you're high as a kite!'_

His parents argued constantly when he was a child. There was not a night he could remember where there was not a fight. Some nights – some nights were worse than others. Some nights ended with holes in the walls and doors being broken from the hinges…or worse – his mom would have a black eye to cover up the next morning.

As he got older, before leaving for Boyz Attack, he would do his best to defend his mother though she loved to put him down as much as his father did. It never put him on his mother's good side, but finally his dad stopped hitting her. It didn't take much longer after Tom stepped in between them that he balled out and left them, never to look back. The drugs helped, though. The drugs would ease the pain and trauma from watching, in an out of body experience, as he wailed on his father, as he patched his mother up, as he put his brother and sister to bed, as he took over his father's role before turning thirteen. Finally, Darius happened. Within the week of auditioning for the boy group, Tom and Kwest were flying to Toronto for Boyz Attack. He laughed as he remembered them both thinking they would get away from the drugs in New Brunswick, but in all reality – it was easier to score and there was so much more they were able to get.

Coke, meth, heroin, PCP, special K…so many drugs, so little time.

Kwest was conditional to Darius hiring him for the job. Little known fact by BA fangirls was that he was their backup vocals, helped with choreography, and began to dabble in engineering and producing on their early albums. Back in NB Kwest backed a small boys group, Thrice as Nice, that'd become locally popular but didn't like the direction the group was going on. Even less known was the fact that Kwest was his saving grace.

The odds of Tom being found dead or strung out somewhere in a random city in one of the random countries they toured would have skyrocketed had it not been for the likes of Kevin Anthony West.

' _Oh my God! It's Little Tommy Q and Chaz!'_

' _Come with me, boys. I can show you a_ real _good time.'_

Sordid memories from the Asian leg of the Boyz Attack tour sloshed up and he swore he could smell the coconut lotion of the stripper who let them snort lines of cocaine off her bare ass. That was the night they stole the octopus from the hotel aquarium and left it as a present in Darius' hot tub.

' _Can't share the spotlight can you? Why not rename Boyz Attack to the Little Tommy Q show?'_

'Y _ou jealous, Chaz? Mad they want me more and not you?'_

' _Jealous? Of a little New Brunswick bitch like you? Never.'_

The final fight of Boyz Attack, the one that broke them up, resounded in his ears and flashed before his eyes. They were backstage after a Tokyo performance and the crowd was still going wild over their encore performance. However, he and Chaz were on a week-long coke bender and tensions were running high.

So, when a couple of fans ran up on stage and hounded Tommy, that got Chaz heated. They exchanged a few words before Chaz swung first. No one dared to jump in between them, as they had fought before, but this time was worse. They weren't able to pull them apart until it was really bad. Tom's hand was deformed, broken in 2 different places, and Chaz lay out on the floor unconscious. At first, they thought it was a simple knockout. No one realized how bad it was until they got to the hospital.

' _He…he has a massive brain bleed. If we don't operate now, he could potentially die on the flight home.'_

All the cocaine and alcohol he'd been consuming had caused a hemorrhage and stroke was a serious worry. The doctors in Japan fixed him up, though, and within a week he was flying back home to Canada to attend rehabilitation and get his life back together. He always told Tommy it was the best broken nose he'd ever received. The bender stopped there for Chaz. Unfortunately, Tom lived with regret and kept his party train going for several more years.

Just then, his phone sounded and it broke his reverie. His head whipped around the kitchen as he tried to free his thoughts and he reached for a towel to wrap around his hand, which was still bleeding.

Who would be calling him this late? No one ever rung him anymore except for Kwest or Darius, when he needed something. He stared at the screen flashing an out-of-country number. He almost ignored it but a feeling in his gut had him flipping open his cellphone and answering.

"H-Hello?" His voice was rough as if he'd been yelling for the past two hours – what time was it anyway? He'd lost track of time since leaving Blu's.

"Tommy? Is that you?" A feminine voice came through the receiver and he had a moment of dread, wondering if it were some random woman from one of his many hooks ups calling to ask for something or tell him he had a long-lost child out there. "It's Nicole…Jude's best friend."

And just like that, relief. Just as quickly, though, there was anxiety in his voice. "Is she okay? Is she hurt? What about Sadie? Is she alright?" His words came out like string, all tied together and barely understood.

"Relax, Quincy. No one is hurt or dismembered. Chill." She said, laughter in her voice. "Jude would _kill_ me if she knew I were calling you, though."

"W-what's going on?" He asked, shaking his head in an effort to clear his thoughts.

"Look, normally, I wouldn't call you on any other circumstance, but I think you need to come over here."

"What? Why would I? Jude didn't ask me to come with her, in fact she made it pretty clear that we need to move on."

"Why are you so hard headed?" She said, sighing heavily in exasperation. "I can't tell you what's going on or why – it's not exactly my place – but I'm Jude's best friend. I live with this woman. And I can tell you, with certain positivity, that you need to come to London – and sooner rather than later."

"I – I…How? Why?"

"Do you love her?"

"What?"

"Do. You. Love. Jude?" She said slowly, enunciating each word.

"Y-Yes, of course…with all of my heart."

"Then get your ass over here."

And with those final words, the call ended. Tom pulled the phone away from his ear, staring at the blinking call length on the phone. Exhaustion pounded at his head and he walked into the living room, falling face first onto his leather couch, his cellphone still gripped tightly in his hand.

 _What a fucking night._


	4. Chapter 4: Wake Up Call

**Title:** Back to You  
 **Author:** Miss x Massacre  
 **Universe:** Instant Star **  
Pairing:** Jommy  
 **Authors Note:** I know I said I would post one chappy a week, but I hit a wall sometime last week and no amount of music could coax the words from my fingers. On top of that, my job had me doing extra work this week. Finally, though, inspiration hit and here we are – chapter four. I'd like to thank you guys for the reviews I receive. Reviews = warm fuzzies. Guest, I do wish you would leave a name so I am able to address you better, but thank you! I appreciate you as a reader and the kind words! Kiera, thank you! I hope you enjoy this chapter. x I am dedicated to finishing this and seeing it through. Even though we're just beginning, I know where this roller coaster is going. I just hope you guys enjoy the ride! This is a filler chapter, more or less, so I could advance the story. Anyway, less rambling – more writing. Chapter five is coming along, as ideas are budding and blooming in my head. In the meantime, enjoy chapter four! xx **  
Disclaimer:** I do not own a thing in this chapter except Nicole Gregory. Difono is a Greek music magazine, no rights to that. I also have no rights to the songs featured in this chapter:  
Wake Up Call by Maroon 5  
Sound of Silence, cover, by Disturbed  
Hallelujah by Paramore

* * *

 _Back to You, a Sequel  
_ Chapter 4: Wake Up Call

The chords of the piano resounded hauntingly through the sound booth. It was late, past midnight Kwest supposed but he wasn't sure. He and Tom had been holed up in Studio B for most of the afternoon and evening, only venturing out to grab food or use the bathroom. He looked rough when he came in, but Tom swore up and down it wasn't because of drugs or alcohol. He didn't relate, either, what was haunting him but instead just went into the studio and kept working diligently. Sometime after Kwest had dinner, he came in wanting to start recording. Kwest urged him to take a break; to eat, drink water, something, but Tom just shook him off and went about setting up the studio.

" _Hello, darkness, my old friend –"_ His voice came through, deep and rough with the emotions that had raged him last night. " _I've come to talk with you again…because a vision softly creeping left its seeds while I was sleeping and the vision that was planted in my brain – still remains... within the sound of silence._ "

Sleep did not come easily for him and when he finally did drift off, he was ravaged by memories that he otherwise wished to forget that woke him with a start. Normally he would have used, drugs or alcohol it didn't matter, to get himself right and sleep like he so badly wanted to. " _In restless dreams, I walked alone narrow streets of cobblestone._ " He sung, hunching over the mic he held in his hand. " _'Neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp, when my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light that split the night…and touched the sound of silence._ "

Kwest was surprised that Tom ended up going off with Blu instead of going home, he was planning to ask him if he wanted to come over and watch the ball game, but he never got the opportunity to. He wondered if she had something to do with the mood that hung over him. " _And in the naked light I saw – ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking! People hearing without listening…people writing songs that voices never share!_ " He wanted to ask him, but this was a semblance of the old Tommy he knew, and he knew better than to push when he was pulling back. " _And no one dared disturb the sound…of silence…_ "

The music swelled with his voice, the emotions that were drowning him spilling out. " _Fools, said I, you do not know! Silence like a cancer grows…hear my words so that I might teach you! Take my arms that I might reach you!_ " He stood up from the stool he sat on and walked around aimlessly as he sang. " _But my words like silent raindrops fell!_ "

" _And echoed in the wells of silence_ …"

Darius watched from the lobby, silently, as Tom recorded. He never expressed it to him personally, but even though there was only about eight years between them, Darius looked at him like a son. When he first met him, he could tell he was a troubled kid and meeting the DuToir's was all he needed to understand why Tommy was the way he was.

Tommy always thought he was hard on him because he didn't care for him, but it was because he cared for him that he was hard and mean. He wanted Tom to succeed so bad, he knew the talent that he possessed, it just needed to be cultivated and nurtured. Unfortunately, after Tom's disastrous relationship with Portia, things kind of fell apart – for both of them. He went so far down the rabbit hole that Darius' couldn't reach him.

Jude, though.

He knew the first time he met Jude when Shay came to record at _Georgia's_ G-Major that she was his catalyst. That she would be the one to bring upon change to Tom Quincy's life. If only he'd let her.

"Man, if your album doesn't go triple platinum I'll be a monkey's uncle." Kwest said, laughing as Tom walked out of the studio with his shoulders slouched over. His demeanor changed upon seeing him and he straightened up in his chair as Tom sat down next to him. "T, you good, man? I was worried last night when I got your text. What happened?"

"What didn't happen last night?" He said, his voice dead weight. He shook his head as he looked past the studio walls and farther into the depths of his head, moments flashing before his eyes. "I – I – I initially went to listen to Blu sing. She was so hard pressed to come back to music, again. Told me that she sabotaged her opportunities with G-Major because she was hitting her rock bottom. It was all good until I decided to go back to her apartment with her. And, man, I swear – my intentions weren't bad. I honestly just wanted to hear her music, she sang at the diner and it was amazing. Nothing like her old shit."

He reached for his phone, remembering the recording he'd made of her at the diner. "And I had a feeling once I got there that it was a bad idea, but I went against my gut and stayed." He was quiet for a minute as he remembered Blu coming out and he kept questioning himself on how he missed her cutting up the meth she did. "Which was just fucking stupid because she snorted meth off her coffee table!"

" _What?!"_ Kwest eyes nearly bugged out of his face.

"Yeah, meth, dude." He said his head in his hands before looking up. "And I _swear_ , I swear to you that I didn't touch a flake of it, but it fucked me up seeing that, being around it. The urge was so strong, it took all I had to walk out of her apartment."

"Wow." Kwest said, shaking his head. "At least you got out of there, bro. You stayed strong and pushed through it. That is something to be proud of."

"Ugh, she kissed me, too."

"She _kissed_ you?" He asked incredulously. "Disgusting."

"Yeah, to say the least. Last night was a fiasco. I fought through flashbacks the whole walk home and then once I got in to my apartment. I busted the door to one of my kitchen cabinets and I don't even remember it." He said trying to fish through the fog to remember how it happened as he flexed his cut and bruised knuckles, but it was no luck. "Then, _then_ – guess who calls?"

"I don't know…"

" _Nicole_ freakin' _Gregory._ "

"Jude's best friend?"

"That's the one." Tommy said, still bent over with his elbows on his knees. That phone call had his mind spinning more than anything else.

"What did she want?"

"She told me to come over." He looked at Kwest as he said this, who spun in his chair to look ahead into the studio. Sadie had filled him in, but she threatened him with no sex if he blabbed to anyone.

"And are you?"

"Honestly, man, I don't know – what if Jude gets pissed off that I show up? She left on relatively okay terms with me." She didn't want to be with him, but at least she wasn't eternally damning him.

"I mean…" Kwest wanted to just tell him to go. That she needed him, that he needed her, but he couldn't do that without looking like a total sketch ball. "I think Nicole would know best…?"

Tom was quiet as he thought it over. Why else would Nicole call? She wasn't exactly the nicest person to him when they were all in Toronto. Maybe something had changed, maybe Jude said something. "I don't know, man…"

"What's the worse that could happen?" Kwest said with a chuckle.

Tom gave him a half smile, knowing full well what a pissed off Harrison woman was capable of. He'd had a double dose with the sisters, Kwest luckily was all about pleasing Sadie – so he never had to contend with her when she was pissed off.

* * *

"Oh, this sun feels so nice." Jude said as her eyes closed behind her sunglasses, her body fully relaxed on a chaise lounge.

"Yes, remind me to thank Darius." Nicole murmured as she lay on her stomach in a lounge chair next to Jude.

"Greece was a great choice, Jude." Sadie said, adjusting the oversized sunhat on her head. "The weather is gorgeous."

They all nodded in agreement. They'd come to Athens for a 3-day trip that involved a press conference about her upcoming album and a performance at a music festival. Darius said it was great press for her and the album. Apparently, unbeknownst to Jude and Sadie, she had a large following in the country. Little did Darius know it was the perfect stress reliever that Jude needed for the baby. Luckily, she was not showing yet, but she knew it would only be a matter of time before she did and she would have to tell Darius and face his reaction. She was attempting to prepare herself, going as far as shoving a beach ball under her dress and watching in the mirror to figure out which poses and what clothes hid the weight gain the best.

None really did the job.

Tomorrow was her performance and she was a tad nervous. This was her first one since her reintroduction into the music world back in Toronto during Christmas, but she planned on playing her older music that she knew like the back of her hand – she only wished she could have SME there to back her up.

"So, what are you gonna do about baby daddy?" Nicole asked as she reached for her daquiri beside her and taking a sip.

Jude groaned, throwing her arms above her head to hang over the headrest. "Ugh. I don't know. If I tell either of them, they'll come rushing. I don't need Luke over here being a whole dickhead. He also doesn't need any more of a reason to call me a whore than he already does."

"Jude," Sadie said, looking over at her. "You are no whore."

Jude laughed. "I have tendencies."

"What about Tommy?" Sadie asked, looking over the bridge of her glasses.

"What about him? If I tell him, he will get his hopes up that we have a chance together and that he could be a father. He will become attached. I – I just can't… _deal_ with that. And what happens if it just so happens to be Lucas' baby? What then? That will hurt him more than anything else." Jude leaned her head back, looking up at the sky. "You guys weren't there when I told him about the baby I lost in New York…you didn't see the hurt in his eyes…"

Nicole bit her lip as she listened to Jude. She'd only just called Tommy two nights ago and told him to come over. Despite what Jude said, Nicole felt that it was his baby and not Luke's but any time she tried to tell Jude that, she brushed her off and changed the subject. He was probably already on his way over. Maybe not.

She had to call him, to tell him to stay home.

Unfortunately, she didn't think that would work.

* * *

Tom knocked on Darius' large office door, one hand in his pocket as he nervously fumbled with the change in his pocket. His mind was still in a maze over Nicole's call and instead of sleeping after recording the night before, he went home and scoured the tabloids and her blog for clues, only he could find none. Nothing stuck out more to him than it did before and finally got up to pack some things as the sun came up.

"Come in!" Darius yelled from behind the closed doors and Tom pushed it open, stepping inside the ornately decorated office. "What's up, T?"

"Hey, D, man. I'm gonna take a week or so off, I – I just need to clear my head." He said, rubbing his hand over his hair. "Some shit happened the other night and I just…I just…"

"I understand, Tom." He said, holding his hand up. "Take some time, I expect that album to be worked on though. Everything still needs to stay on track."

"I got you, D. No worries." Tom said, turning to leave the office.

"T!" Darius stood up and walked around his desk to him. Tom stopped and faced him. "I know the past year has been tough on you and I know keeping Jude's whereabouts from you didn't help, but I want to apologize…I just did what she asked, what she thought was best."

"D…" He tried to wave it off.

"No, let me finish." Darius said, rubbing a hand over his bald head. "I know we haven't always had the best relationship and I let too much shit happen while Boyz Attack was still together. Almost losing Chaz to a brain hemorrhage really woke me up, but you – you are like a son to me. _I_ discovered you, _I_ watched you grow in so many ways and it took me so long to realize that. I – I just wished I done more for you."

Tom nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. "It's all good. I was damaged way before you met me…there was no curbing the things that occurred in my life. My path was already chosen." He said, shrugging. "I'm working on that now, though. I'm better. Thanks for not throwing me out on my ass last year, though. I know I fucked up a lot, but you've given me more than enough chances."

Darius nodded as Tom held out his hand, but he pulled him into a hug. Tom felt awkward as D's arms encircled him, but he shook it off and returned the hug. When they parted, he shoved his hands in his pockets and stepped back towards the door.

"Well," Tom started, but Darius cut him off.

"Enjoy the vacation, T. Take this time and relax."

"Thanks, Dar." He said before walking out and towards Studio B.

Inside the studio he found his notebook where his songs were written, slipping it into the pocket of his guitar case before packing up the instrument as well. It was when he was inside the sound booth, packing up his laptop, that Spiederman found him.

"So, London, eh Squinty?" Spied said as he flopped down on the chair and kicked his feet up on the sound board.

Tom reached for the external hard drive near Spiederman's feet and slipped it in the bag. He zipped it up and set it down near his guitar case before he even looked at him. "Who told you?" He asked, plopping down in the swivel seat beside him. His hand found his forehead, rubbing the worry lines smooth.

"A little birdy in Studio A." he said, referring to Kwest and Tom nodded. Of course.

"I'm not entirely too sure it's the right idea."

"Never know, dude." He said, shrugging. "I know she loves you despite all that you two have gone through. And I know you've heard like I have – she's not having an easy time with the producers they're bringing her and you know why."

"But what if me showing up makes things worse?"

"She loves you, Squint." Spied said, lacing his fingers behind his head. "It's possible you may piss her off, but I don't foresee that. Besides you've got something good on your side."

"And what's that?" Tom said, crossing his arms in his chest with his eyebrows raised.

"Me." Spied gave him a 'duh' look.

"You? You mean bring you to London with me?"

"Yes, me." He said, moving to put his feet on the floor. "I am Jude's best friend, I'm the _perfect_ wingman."

"You have ulterior motives." Tom squinted an eye at him, knowing there had to be more than just wanting to see Jude.

"I do." He said, nodding. "I need Nicole…my heart aches for her and she's called me _twice_ since they've left. I need to figure out what's going on – I thought everything was going good."

Tom looked at him, weighing his options. Spiederman had a point. He could prove to make Jude happier if his sudden presence pissed her off. They could say they came over for Tom's career, he did ask SME to back him on several tracks. "Alright," He finally relented, sighing. "Go pack your bags. You should be glad I don't like sharing rows on a plane. I have two extra tickets."

Spied smiled widely, rising from his seat and nodding. "Awesome!" He said, his mind racing with excitement. "I'll meet you Pearson International in…"

"Four hours! Flight leaves in five and a half!"

"Got ya!" He yelled as he raced out the door. "I call window seat!"

Tom chuckled and shook his head, rising from his seat to grab his things. This was going to be a fun trip.

* * *

Jude wiped her brow with a towel left by the drum set on stage and took a quick swig of water. The heat was something else in Greece. This was her final event here, the concert. It was sponsored by the Greek music magazine, Difono, who'd done an interview with her the prior day. It was midafternoon, and the sun was beating down on them. They'd set up several large fans with water mist directed at the crowd, who were packed in the admission area tightly

"Thank you, guys. You're such a great crowd." She said into the mic as she walked back to the front of the stage where fans were going wild. "I know I've done some older stuff, but this next song is one I wrote for my sister after her accident just a couple months ago. I'm pretty sure you all have heard it on the radio." She dragged the microphone stand from where she moved it earlier in the set and slid the microphone into the holder. "She's here today and well, Sades – this one is for you. It's called 'Hallelujah'."

Jude nodded her head in time with the drum as the music started up, leaning both hands on the mic, bringing it to her lips. " _Somehow everything's gonna fall right into place! If we only had a way to make it all fall faster every day._ " She sung as the crowd cheered her on. " _If only time flew like a dove. Will God make it fly faster than I'm falling in love?"_

" _This time we're not giving up!_ " She held her hands up and the crowd followed suit, singing along. " _Let's make it last forever. Screaming, 'Hallelujah!' We'll make it last forever!_ "

Jude ripped the mic from the stand. " _Holding onto patience wearing thin._ " She stooped down to the crowd, grabbing hands that were reaching for her. " _I can't force these eyes to see the end. If only –_ " Just then two shots rang out in the thick of people. The music stopped abruptly as everyone on stage dropped to the floor, Jude included. In what seemed like slow motion, the crowd scattered with hands covering heads. The screams of excitement now replaced with screams of fear. Suddenly, Jude was scooped up by a large set of arms and carried off stage. She didn't see who grabbed her because her eyes connected with a solitary man standing amongst the madness with a gun in his hand. He smiled to her as he pointed his gun to his side, firing off several shots. Her eyes squeezed shut and she buried her head, trying to drown out the sound of it all.

Finally, they were backstage. The burly man who'd carried her off stage pushed the crowd of stage hands and brought her to her dressing room. She shakily found her feet as he set her down and she immediately sat on the couch. Suddenly Sadie and Nicole burst through the door and were at her side.

"Jude?" Sadie asked from one side of her, brushing her hair from the side of her face.

"Are you okay?" Nicole followed, her hand on her back. Jude stared ahead blankly, her arms wrapped around her sides. Sadie and Nicole looked at each other before looking back to Jude.

"Come on, babe. Let's go home." Sadie said softly, petting her hair back attempting to soothe her.

"Is he still out there?" Jude said, barely above a whisper.

"No, the police got him just as you got backstage. The medics are treating the wounded now."

"How many?"

"How many what?" Sadie looked over at Nicole, shaking her head.

"Injured." Jude said, finally lifting her eyes to Sadie's. "How many were injured?"

"Four, I believe…that's what I could see anyway. I was pulled back from the wings of the stage immediately." Jude sighed heavily, closing her eyes and leaning into Sadie who immediately wrapped her arms around her. "Come on, let's go."

"Alright."

"I'm worried about her, Kwest. She's not okay." Sadie said later, as she sat on the balcony of their Greek hotel, on the phone with her fiancé. "She wouldn't talk for a while, she just turned on the news and watched. Watched even though she couldn't understand a lick of what they were saying. She finally told me that she seen him, the gunman. He looked right at her and smiled."

"He did what?!"

"Yes! The sadistic bastard." Sadie shook her head as she brought the glass of wine to her lips for a drink. "She is so shook up. I'm worried, this isn't good for the baby."

"Where is she now?"

"Sleeping, finally. I laid beside her for a while until she did."

"I guess I should let you know, then."

Sadie's brows knit together as she sat straight up. "Know what?"

Kwest sighed, knowing it could go either way. "Tom's on his way to London."

"What? You're kidding me!" Sadie said, setting her wine glass down hard on the little table top beside her. "Did you tell him that she's pregnant? Cause Kwest…so help me God, I will – "

"No, no. I didn't." He cut her off, trying to calm the threat before she made one. "Nicole called him."

"That little – "

"Babe." He said, knowing she was about to go into a full-blown rant.

"No, babe." She replied, standing up from her chair. "I can't believe she'd do that behind my back! Ugh! What was she thinking?"

"That Jude needs Tom." Kwest said simply. "You can't take care of her forever, Sadie. And eventually Tom is going to find out that she's pregnant, one way or another. I think this is more amicable than the other option."

Sadie sighed heavily, her eyes closing as she envisioned Tom's reaction when he sees the headlines that were bound to come once she started showing. "You're right."

"Spied is coming with him or so I heard. He was yelling something about a window seat as he ran out of G-Major earlier."

"That might be a saving grace."

"When are you guys flying back to London?"

"First thing in the morning. Jude has an appointment with Dr. Montgomery then she's due in the studio for a couple hours, but I may try to deter her from going in. With the stress of this shit that just happened, I think she should rest. If not for her then at least for the baby."

"Good luck with that." Kwest chuckled into the phone. "You know that's probably the one place she'll want to be."

"You're right, you know that." Sadie said chuckling, too. "Alright, handsome. I'm gonna go in and curl up beside Jude and try and get some rest."

"Okay, babe. Dream of me."

"Only if you dream of me, too." They both smiled.

"I love you, Sadie."

"I love you, too. Good night."

"Good night."


	5. Chapter 5: Flying OverseasBack at Yo

**Title** : Back to You  
 **Author** : Miss x Massacre  
 **Universe** : Instant Star  
 **Pairing** : Tom x Jude  
 **Author's** **Note** : Sorry it took so long. I couldn't seem to get the ending structure of the chapter right, but then I just realized it was too much. This is the shortest chapter since chapter one, but this is what you all have been waiting for. Thanks for the warm fuzzies, guys. I appreciate every reader. xx  
 **Disclaimer** : I do not own any characters featured in this fic, with the exception of Nicole and Lucas, the rest belong to CTV and the channel formerly known as the-N. I also, do not own any songs featured in this chapter:  
Flying Overseas by Theophilus London feat. Solange Knowles and Dev Hynes  
Back at your Door by Maroon 5  
Hello by Adele

* * *

 _Back to You, a Sequel_  
Chapter Five: Flying Overseas/Back at your Door

 _Two days later…_

"You know, I'm still pretty pissed off at you." Tom said as he skulked his way through Heathrow airport, his carry-on bags hanging off his shoulder as they headed for baggage claim.

"I told you I was sorry!" Spied said, jogging to keep up with him. "I never move it from my luggage, Karma must have moved it or something when she left to be a spiteful bitch!"

They'd gotten almost all the way through security at Pearson International when they asked Spied for his passport. He searched fruitlessly for twenty minutes and he couldn't find it. Tom could have left and went onto London without him, as Spied had suggested once, but he brushed that off. He was into the idea of Spied being the wingman; he told him that he was going to wait until they could both fly together so that it would be less of a hassle, but in all honesty – Tom was pretty scared to fly over to London and face Jude by himself. It would take Spied a day, at the very least, to get a new passport and the next flight that wasn't completely booked was in two days. So, they rebooked the flight and stayed in a hotel not too far from the airport.

Once in their London lodging, The Milestone Hotel and Residences, Tom laid down on the King-sized bed and closed his eyes. He was here as Nicole requested. They'd been in touch the past couple of days and he was for sure that this was some sort of elaborate prank, but when she texted him Jude's schedule for the following two days he knew she was for real.

He decided to pop into G-Major the next afternoon. That would give him enough time to settle, think about what he was going to say (even though he'd been thinking on it since he decided to fly over), and possibly find an NA meeting around him. He took a deep breath and walked over to the window that overlooked the city just as Spiederman came busting through the door that lead to the living room of their suite. Tom sat up with a start, his head whipping around to look at him.

" _Dude,_ " He said, holding onto the doorknob of the door. " _This is a swanky ass hotel._ "

Tom chuckled, nodding as he eyed the ornate room. "Yes, yes, it is." He stood and walked over to the large window that overlooked Kensington Palace.

"So, what's the plan?" Spied said as he belly-flopped onto Tom's bed, effectively messing the comforter up.

"She's in the studio tomorrow. Nicole sent me her schedule and she's due in about one o'clock in the afternoon. I thought why not there, kind of mutual ground for us both? I can claim I was sent on work if it goes downhill."

"Good idea, Q." Spied nodded, moving to bring his hands to rest underneath his chin. "Have you thought about what you're going to say to her?"

"Somewhat. Nothing seems appropriate, though." He said as he rubbed his chin, rough with the beginning of a beard.

"It will come to you. Maybe just seeing you will be enough for her." He said, being uncharacteristically prophetic. "Your relationship has always been an intense one. One look and it seems like you guys know what's on one another's mind."

Tom nodded, still looking out over London, his mind reeling with possibilities. "Yeah, I hope you're right…"

Jude and Sadie were in peals of laughter as they both strode through the door to Studio 1 of London's G-Major. Hanging from their arms were numerous shopping and garment bags. Keith's head popped up from his laptop, where he was reading a news article from back home, and a smile graced his face as he seen his artist waltzing in.

A happy Jude was one that he rarely seen, but when she was – boy, she could light up a whole room with her infectious smile.

"Have fun shopping?" He asked, leaning his head on his hand.

"Yes!" Jude said, finally dropping her armful of bags to reveal her small, yet protruding stomach. She was now just into her fifteenth week and the baby was as big as a navel orange, or so Sadie told her, who'd been looking up information constantly. In a sense, though she was pregnant once before, this was essentially her first. She found herself, at times, looking forward to having him or her and all the snuggles and lullabies that would consume her. Unlike before when she dreaded the thought of her being a mother, though she now realized that was because she was essentially alone. "We found some really cute things for Baby."

"That's awesome." He said, smiling and turning towards the board to turn a couple knobs. "You ready to get to work?"

"Yes, sir. Did the instrumentals get squared away?"

He nodded his response as he brought down a fader before looking at her. "All we need now are those pipes." He said pointing towards her throat.

"Well, let's get to it." She said, smiling. Sadie dropped her bags beside Jude's and took a seat behind the soundboard as she walked into the studio. Without having to be prompted, she grabbed the stool that was deemed as hers. No longer was she allowed to stand for recording sessions per Sadie's demand…

Tom and Spied were both in awe as they walked through the doors of G-Major's London location. The building was twice the size of the Toronto branch and had modern yet minimal decorum, a stark contrast to the flashiness that Darius designed.

They both walked through the lobby and gave a nod to the brunette receptionist, easily finding the studios that sat on a second-floor platform. Tom took the steps two at a time, his eyes stuck on the glass door that had a large number one painted onto it. He stopped at the landing, taking in the sight of Jude recording in the studio.

Spied stopped right behind him and, unlike Tom, his eyes zeroed in on her stomach. "Oh, sh –" He stopped himself as he noticed Tom in a daze.

Without second thought or glance, Tom went into the adjoining sound booth, her voice immediately engulfing him. "… _and free…I forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet. There's such a difference between us and a million miles…_ "

Her eyes were shut as she belted out the song, her arms rising from her sides as she hit her high notes. " _Hello from the other si-ide! I must have called a thousand ti-imes to tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done but when I call you never seem to be home."_ He shivered involuntary at the rawness in her voice. Behind him Spied quietly shut the door behind him, both going unnoticed by Keith and Sadie at the sound board. " _Hello from the outsi-ide! At least I can say that I tried to tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart, but it don't matter it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore."_

She opened her eyes to look ahead past the microphone, past her reflection in the glass as she remembered the lonely nights in New York. Her phone would be glued to her hand, finger hovering over the call button which would connect her to him. He never knew but she called once, just once. But when he answered, a female's voice could be heard in the background. She immediately hung up and rarely ever gave a second thought to call him again. She'd heard what she needed to hear – he'd moved on.

Tom could see the pain in her eyes and his heart plummeted. He heard she decided to record the material she wrote while away and while he expected it to be a 'Tommy-hate fest', he never expected a ballad like this. They say heartbreak produces powerful songs and well, he created a legend in her. His heart beat in his throat as her voice echoed throughout the studio.

" _Hello…how are you? It's so typical of me to talk about myself, I'm sorry."_ She shook her head as she brought her hands to cup the headphones tighter to her ears. _"I hope that you're well, did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened? It's no secret that the both of us are running out of time…_ "

Tom then finally drank in her full appearance. Her fuller cheeks and the stomach that stuck out in obvious pregnancy. " _So, hello from the other si-ide! I must have called a thousand ti-i-imes to tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done but when I call you never seem to be home!"_ He stepped fuller into the light of the sound booth, slipping out of Spied's hand that tried to hold him back, and stared at her intently. Is this what Nicole called him about?

" _Hello from the outsi-i-ide! At least I can say that I tri-ied to tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart, but it don't mat –"_ She stopped abruptly as she caught sight of Tom standing shrouded by the light.

"Sadie…" She said slowly as Keith faded the instrumentals out. "Are hallucinations a symptom of pregnancy?"

Sadie's eyebrows knit and shook her head. "That's a ridiculous quest – " She started before following Jude's line of sight to see Tom and Spied standing behind them. "Oh." She feigned mild surprise.

"No, Jude." She turned and spoke into the mic that fed into Jude's headphones. "He's real."

Jude's eyes bugged wider than they already were. "Uh,"

Tom went for the studio door and walked briskly through it, stopping feet away from her. Keith returned to his seat as Sadie's hand stopped him before he could grab Tom. "Were you going to tell me you're pregnant?" He said, his eyebrows knit.

"I – I've been meaning to tell you." She said with a sigh, lowering her head to look at the ground before back to his gaze. "I just haven't figured out a way to pick up the phone yet." He itched to reach out to touch her, stroke her protruding stomach, but everything felt foreign – like a dream. She cradled her stomach, stroking as he wished to. "Besides, I honestly wasn't sure I'd make it this far."

He nodded silently, the words that were on the tip of his tongue not coming out. "Wanna stay for old times' sake while I finish recording? After we can grab a bite after and talk…" She looked at him hopefully.

"Of course."

Jude smiled and nodded towards the studio were Sadie and Keith were sitting. "There should be an extra seat in there. Keith won't bite." She chuckled as he stuck his tongue out at her through the glass. "He's the only one I've been able to tolerate so far."

"Don't you mean I'm the one that's been able to tolerate you, Miss Harrison?"

She laughed heartily, and Tom smiled at the sound. "Hey now, don't provoke the pregnant lady."

"Uh-huh." He said, nodding his head.

"Go on, Quince. You know you've missed hearing me in the studio." She smiled cheekily at him and he nodded wordlessly before returning to the sound booth, taking a seat beside Spiederman who had pulled two chairs to the board…

His mind was still reeling several hours later as they sat across from one another in the plushy chairs of The Mitre, Holland Park, a quaint restaurant that she and Nicole found several weeks ago. He watched her intently as she scanned the menu with her lip captured between her lips. She was a sight to behold; she had the pregnancy glow that everyone always talked about and the fullness in her cheeks looked good on her. Her appearance was a huge difference from the last time he'd seen her in Toronto, where she'd been too skinny for his liking and the light that had once shined in her dimmed.

Finally, after the waiter came to take their orders, she returned his gaze and the anger he'd felt building as he watched her in the studio, pregnant and all, dissipated.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because, this is a mess I got myself into…I have to handle this."

"But you don't have to alone." He said, leaning forward on the small round table between them. If he thought it would be all love, romance, and lustful stares – he was quite wrong. The air between was thick with unspoken words, unanswered questions. "I should be able to take care of my own child."

"Hmm notiredly shore'fissures." She mumbled into her glass of lemon water.

"Care to repeat that?" He asked, tilting his head to the side with his eyes squinted.

She cleared her throat, straightening herself in the chair and setting the glass on the tabletop. She took a deep breath and repeated. "I'm not entirely sure if it's yours." She said clearly this time, breaking away from his gaze as several emotions washed over his features.

"What do you mean that you _don't know_ if it's mine or not?" He said, leaning forward. "You mean to tell me you might be carrying that asshole Lucas Michaels' child?"

"Well, I mean we were together at that point in time."

"Yeah, but we – " He tried to reel himself back as he grasped for straws, realizing that though he became completely faithful to her when she returned and they'd consummated their relationship – she didn't do the same. He was shocked at her revelation.

"Tommy." She sighed, rubbing the spot in between her eyebrows.

"I can't believe you…" He said, looking past her and out the window behind her head. Shouldn't he have expected this, though? So many reckless decisions were made when she returned to Toronto on both their behalves.

" _Really?_ You can't believe _me_?" She scoffed at his admission and crossed her arms underneath her breasts. "You really expected me to be _faithful_ just to you? _You?_ The reason I _left_ Toronto? I was _cheating on_ him _with_ you." He shook his head, trying to stop her but she kept going. "I made no kind of promise to you, in fact I'm pretty sure I told you on several accounts that I was done with us."

"Jude," He sighed again. "I still loved you."

"Okay," She said, shaking her head. "At the time I loved Lucas. I _fucked up_ and slept with you when him and I were still together." She pushed herself to sit up straighter in the chair and tucked her legs up underneath her. "When we slept together, it was a _mistake –_ it shouldn't have happened like that. I should not have done that to him, because I'd never want it done to me, _again_ , but as it stands now – I made choices and those choices I made resulted in this." She waved her hand like Vanna White in front of the belly sticking out towards the table. "This is my dilemma. I need to figure out what I'm going to do; if I'm going to keep it or give it up."

"Gi – " He stopped abruptly as the waiter sat Jude's side of creamed spinach in front of her. He started again once the waiter walked away, leaning into the table as he spoke – the words feeling harsh against his lips. " _Give it up?_ "

"Yes, Tommy… _adoption_." She said as she stabbed her fork into the greens. "How am I going to take care of a child while I'm on tour? While I'm recording my next album? Press releases? Music videos and jet setting?" He sat wringing his hands underneath the table as he looked away, her words penetrated the brave façade he was putting on. "In case you forgot, I'm nowhere near 30 yet and this was _so_ not on my 10-year goal plan as a senior in high school."

He snapped his head to look at her. "I won't allow you to give up my – "

She cut him off, waving her hand. " _My_ child. You don't even know if it's yours or not yet."

He sat back in the chair, licking his lips and looking away again. "Have you – " He looked back at her. "Have you told Lucas yet?"

"No." She said, shaking her head. She stroked her belly softly and looked down at the bump. "The last time we talked he called me, and I quote, "a lying whore". I'm pretty sure if I told him I was pregnant and there was a chance the baby could be his or yours, he'd probably have a lot worse to say."

His teeth clenched, and he pursed his lips, hoping to make it unnoticeable. "Well, _if_ it is my child, then, I can't –" He sighed deeply, running his fingers through his hair. "I can't allow you to do that – adoption, that is. I want to be a father to my child." He refused to be a mirror of his own father, abandoning his child and responsibilities.

"We'll see if I even make it that far." She said, looking down the street as cars whizzed by. "Next week will be the week I miscarried the first."

Tom was quiet, nodding, as he watched her. She didn't meet his gaze, but he seen the sadness wash over her appearance at the mention of her miscarriage. He reached for her hand and held on tighter when she tried to pull it from his grasp. They sat like that for an undeterminable amount of time, his calloused thumb skimming over her knuckles as they both looked off in the distance, memories of their past surrounding them. The waiter came over and set their respective plates in front of them, but neither moved.

"Jude," He whispered, and she looked from the window to his eyes, tears shining in hers. "I know you don't want us to be together and I can respect that. I've been working on myself since you left." He linked his fingers with hers and switched his thumb back and forth, as if he were beginning a game of thumb wars, before trapping her dainty, calloused thumb underneath his larger one. "But let me be here for you, Jude…as a friend, please."

If there was a chance that the child growing in her stomach was his, then he wasn't about to miss a single second of it. She looked down at their joined hands, pulling her thumb out and trapping his. "Okay," She said as she looked up with a small smile and nodded. "friends..."


End file.
